Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

Jim Varney: Cookie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cookie : I got your four basic food groups! Beans, bacon, whisky and lard.

• Cookie : You're so skinny, if you turned sideways and stuck out your tongue, you'd look like a zipper.

• Preston B. Whitmore : Now, let's go over it again, just so we got it straight: you didn't find anything.

  Vinny : No. Just a lot of rocks. And fish, little fish. Sponges.

  Preston B. Whitmore : What happened to Helga?

  Cookie : Well, we lost her when a flaming zeppelin come down on her...

  [Audrey hits him with her parasol] 

  Cookie : Uh, missing.

  Preston B. Whitmore : That's right. And Rourke?

  Dr. Sweet : Nervous breakdown. You could say he went all to pieces.

  Cookie : In fact, you could say he was transmogrified and then busted into a zillion...

  [Audrey raises her parasol] 

  Cookie : He's missing too.

• Cookie : Dang lightnin' bugs done bit me on my sit-upon. Somebody's gonna have to suck out this poison. Now don't everybody jump up at once.

• Cookie : [Serves everyone the same, nondescript slop]  For the appetizer, Caesar salad, escargot, and your Oriental spring rolls.

• Cookie : Main course!

  [all quickly refuse] 

  Cookie : Don't you worry. It'll keep, and keep, and keep.

• Audrey : [about an Atlantean]  Wow. Look at all those tattoos.

  Cookie : Shoot. That ain't nothin'. Look here what I got.

  [lifts up shirt, grossing Audrey out] 

  Cookie : All 38 United States. Watch me make Rhode Island dance.

  [wiggles his belly] 

  Cookie : Go on, baby, dance. Dance.

• Cookie : Blondie, I've got a bone to pick with you.

  Helga : [to Milo]  Hold that thought.

  [to Cookie] 

  Helga : What is it this time, Cookie?

  Cookie : You done stuffed my wagon full to bustin' with nonessentials. Look at all this. Cinnamon, oregano, ci-lantro. What in the cockadoodle is ci-lantro?

• [upon seeing Atlantis] 

  Cookie : Sweet mother of Jefferson Davis!

• Cookie : I seen this back in the Dakotas. They can smell fear just by lookin' atcha.

  [whispers] 

  Cookie : So keep quiet.