Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

Fei Lung: Master Pain (Betty)

Quotes 

• Master Betty : I have been called bad before. Many have said I do things that are not correct to do. I don't believe in talk such as this. I am nice man, with happy feelings. All of the time. First, a joke. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

  [pause] 

  Master Betty : My ass. Nyah, haha, haha, haha, ENOUGH.

• Master Betty : Hmmm. I'll kill him. I'll kill him dead. Like with, with a, rock or something. Like a, like a stone.

• Master Tang : I know you seek The Chosen One. And I know what you did to his family.

  [begins coughing] 

  Master Tang : And now, I'm going to beat you up.

  Master Betty : Do you need a glass of water, or something? Geez, at least cover your mouth. We're all going to catch it.

• Master Tang : [walking and singing]  Hmm, chicken go cluck-cluck, cow go moo. Piggy go oink-oink, how 'bout you? Wanna be an animal just like you.

  [breaks off and looks around] 

  Henchman : [in bushes]  Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

  Master Betty : Mmm, I'm just a birdie, too!

  Master Tang : [resumes singing]  Lemur go pff-pff, Ostrich go baah. Koala go

  [makes clicking noises] 

• [the intermission begins] 

  Master Betty : Go get some snacks, perhaps a carbonated soda!

  Ling : I hope they have Icees!

  Chosen One : I have chosen the large tub.

  Wimp Lo : My nipples look like Milk Duds!

  Master Tang : I've got some yellow liquid for your popcorn, and it's non-dairy!

• Mayor : That tiny net was sure-fire, master!

  Master Betty : Yes, a tiny net is a death sentence. It's a net and it's tiny!

• Master Betty : When you girls are done kissing, I've got some ass kicking for you.

• Mayor : Er, Master Betty, what is the Evil Council's plan?

  Master Betty : Nyah. Haha. It is EVIL, it is so EVIL. It is a bad, bad plan, which will hurt many... people... who are good. I think it's great that it's so bad.

• Master Betty : Shirt ripper.

• Master Betty : I spanked you as a baby, and I'll spank you now BITCH.

• Master Betty : Well, I thought you looked familiar. Sorry, I didn't recognize you without crap in your pants!

• Master Betty : Orson!

  Henchman : Welles.

• Master Betty : I am a great magician - your clothes are red!

• Master Betty : That's right! The Evil Council are *aliens*!

  [speaker comes out of Council ship and plays French music] 

  Chosen One : They're French.

  Master Betty : Ha, ha! Stinky pits and all, baby!

• Master Betty : Feel my paralyzer.

  [paralyzes Chosen One's right arm, then his left arm] 

  Master Betty : Say good night, floppy.

  [knocks out Chosen One]