Super Troopers (2001)

Michael Weaver: Local Officer Smy

Quotes 

• [a man appears to be having sex with a bear in the woods] 

  Officer Smy : Bear... bearfucker, do you need assistance?

• Police Chief Grady : I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamoles. Smy?

  Officer Smy : Yeah, chief. I'll have a CHINCHILLA!

  Rabbit : I don't get it. Tacos?

  Thorny : They think I'm Mexican.

  Rabbit : You're not Mexican?

• Officer Smy : Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom!

  Ursula : What about the piece stuck to your shoe?

  Officer Smy : What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe?

  [Looks down] 

  Officer Smy : SHIT!

  Ursula : [Stifles a laugh] 

  Officer Smy : You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the extra effort.

  Ursula : Oh why... did you want me to wipe your ass?

  Officer Smy : [Flustered]  That's not what I meant!

  [With a pompous gesture] 

  Officer Smy : Well around MY house, my wife knows to refill the TP.

  Ursula : I'm not your wife, Smy.

  Officer Smy : No, and if you were, I'd take you down a peg or two.

  Ursula : Oooooooh.

• Officer Smy : [to Ursula]  If you were my wife, I'd take you down a peg or two.

  [to Foster] 

  Officer Smy : Hey douche bag.

  Foster : [to Ursula]  If you were my wife, I'd massage your feet 'til you fell asleep.

  Ursula : Nice try.