A Muppet Family Christmas (1987 TV Movie)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, Swedish Chef, Waldorf, Ernie, Guy Smiley, The Newsman, Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ernie : Oh, hi there. Hey, we're Ernie and Bert.

  Doc : Hi there yourself, I'm Doc.

  Bert : Did you know that Doc starts with the letter "D"?

  Doc : Why, yes.

  Ernie : Yes! Yes starts with the letter "Y".

  Doc : True.

  Ernie : And true starts with the letter "T".

  Doc : [chuckles]  Hey, what is this?

  Bert : Where we come from, this is small talk.

  Doc : Well, whatever you day, nice to be meeting you, but I'd better go up and build some bunk beds.

  Ernie , Bert : Bunk beds!

  Ernie : B words.

  [he and Bert laugh] 

• Statler : We'd *love* to see your act.

  Waldorf : But we'd hate to *miss* your act.

  Statler : In fact, we'd love to *hate* your act!

  [they cackle] 

• Doc : Careful, Sprocket. These may be from some foreign planet.

  Emily 'Ma' Bear : Actually, they're from television. I recognize Fozzie's weirdo friends.

  Dr. Teeth : Yeah, and we're proud of it, too!

  Sam the Eagle : Why am I here?

• Snowman : Hey, Fozzie.

  Fozzie Bear : Yes, Mr. Snowman?

  Snowman : Did you hear about the church that burned down?

  Statler , Waldorf : Holy smoke!

  [they cackle] 

• Kermit : Don't you think we should've called your mother and let her know we were coming?

  Fozzie Bear : Oh, how little you understand bears, Kermit. My mother loves surprises.

  Gonzo : Well, good, 'cause she's in for a beauty.

• Kermit : You don't have to explain, Doc. If there's one thing Piggy knows, it's how to make an entrance.

• Kermit : Where is your partner?

  Fozzie Bear : Outside.

  Kermit : Outside? Fozzie, it's too cold to go outside.

  Fozzie Bear : It's not cold.

  Kermit : It *is* cold!

  Fozzie Bear : It's not cold.

  Snowman : [entering the house]  Can I come in and warm up?

  Fozzie Bear : Okay, so it's cold.

• Bert : Ernie, why must you always humiliate me?

  Ernie : C'mon, Bert. Somebody has to play Mama, and you lost the toss.

  Bert : Oh, well, just get it over with.

• Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Oh, look. There's Rowlf when he was just a wee puppy.

  Rowlf : Not so wee. I was paper-trained.

• Rowlf : I've been chasing the truck all the way, and boy am I exhausted.

  [laughs] 

• Fozzie Bear : Kermit, now can I tell you about my new act?

  Kermit : I'm all ears.

  [hears Sprocket barking] 

  Kermit : Now what can that be?

  Fozzie Bear : What does he mean he's all ears? Frogs don't even have ears!

• Kermit : [halting Gonzo and Turkey's argument]  Hark! What do I hear?

  Gonzo : You're about to hear me make some turkey hash!

  Kermit : No, no, listen: methinks me hears carolers!

• Maureen the Mink : Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink.

  Miss Piggy : What?

  Kermit : She said, "Hi, I'm Maureen the Mink."

  Miss Piggy : I HEARD HER! I HEARD HER!

• Statler : Well, you know what they say...

  Waldorf : If you can't stand the heat, get outta the farmhouse!

  [they laugh] 

• Statler : These two comics were made for each other.

  Waldorf : Hm?

  Statler : The snowman's ice cold, and the bear's not so hot!

  [they laugh] 

• Rowlf : [seeing a piano after his arrival]  Aha! Just what I was lookin' for! Look at this little beauty.

  [begins playing "Sleight Ride" on it, but it sounds awful] 

  Rowlf : Whoa-hoa, boy, is this piano outta tune!

  [to the camera] 

  Rowlf : I *love* outta tune pianos...

• Jim Henson : [as the Muppets sing "We Wish You a Merry Christmas", he watches from the kitchen door]  Well, they certainly seem to be having a good time out there, Sprocket.

  [Sprocket barks] 

  Jim Henson : Yep, I like it when they have a good time. But tell you what, somebody'll have to do something about these dishes, Sprocket. C'mon. I'll wash, you dry, okay?

• Oscar the Grouch : Hey, everybody, quiet down! There's a bulletin on TV!

  The Newsman : And now, for this news flash: the worst blizzard in fifty years is approaching us at a great rate. The Weather Service reports that barometers are falling sharply.

  [a lot of wooden barometers crash on him] 

  The Newsman : Oh no! Whoa...

• Kermit : Another crisis solved.

  Robin : Yeah, there sure are a lot of us here.

  Kermit : Well, all families start to come together.

  Robin : We always get together at Christmas.

  Kermit : Yeah, life would just pass in a blur if it weren't for times like this.

• Robin : [as he and Kermit search for Fraggles at Fraggle Rock]  Do you think this is really Fraggle Rock?

  Kermit : Well, I don't know, but if I were a Fraggle, this is the kind of place I'd hang out.

• Sprocket the Dog : Ruff ruff ruff! Ruff ruff ruff! Ruff ruff ruff!

  Rowlf : Woof woof! Yeah! Bark bark!

  Doc : Don't you hate it when you can't speak the language?

• Ernie : 'Twas the night before Christmas / And all through the house / Not a creature was stirring, / Not even a mouse. Cue the mouse!

  Grover : [dressed as a mouse, holding a mixing bowl with a spoon]  I am here! I'm here! Cutest little mouse is here!

  Bert : What's the bowl for?

  Grover : Oh. Uh, so you can see that I am not stirring. Note how the hand never touches the spoon.

• Waldorf : After all, there's no business like *snow* business!

  [he and Statler laugh] 

• Doc : [as the Swedish Chef taps Sprocket with a spiked wooden server between the spokes of a dinner chair]  This is my dog, Sprocket; he is not a Christmas turkey!

  Swedish Chef : Dër schmëcka gøbblä gøbblä fëffernøøse!

  Doc : I don't care if the turkey said the dog is a turkey. The dog is not the turkey; the turkey's the turkey, you turkey! Come on, Sprocket.

  [he takes the chair away as Sprocket barks] 

  Swedish Chef : Schmëcka gøbblä gøbblä gërfëy wërfëy.

  Turkey : [chuckles]  This is startin' to be fun, hee-hee-hee.

  [seeing Camila] 

  Turkey : Whoa, speaking of fun, hey mum, how you doin'?

• Beauregard : Ooh, going to be lots of snow for me to shovel tomorrow.

  Kermit : It's getting worse and worse out there.

  Beauregard : Aren't you glad you're in here all warm and toasty?

  Kermit : I just wish Miss Piggy were.

• Kermit : [seeing the Sesame Street cast arrive as they sing "Here We Come a-Caroling"]  It's the Sesame Street gang!

  Big Bird : Merry Christmas from Sesame Street!

  Sesame Street Cast : Merry Christmas!

• Fozzie Bear : Guys, this is the best idea we've had in years. Christmas at my mother's farm.

  Kermit : That was great, Fozzie, but don't you think we should've called your mother to let her know we were coming?

  Fozzie Bear : Oh, how little you understand bears, Kermit. My mother loves surprises.

  Gonzo : Good thing. She's in for beauty.

  Animal : SURPRISE! SURPRISE!

• Turkey : Hey, hey, hey, no, no, you got me wrong, I'm a dairy cow.

  [moos] 

  Swedish Chef : [repeatedly swatting the Turkey with celery]  Nø, nø, nø, dø dïs før më!

  Turkey : All right, okay, I'm a-AAH! I'm a birdie, I'm a birdie, I'm a seagull, right?

  Turkey : [continues swatting the Turkey with celery]  Nø, nø, nø, gøbblër-gøbblër!

  Turkey : Okay, all right, I admit it, I admit it; the jig is up!

  [the Chef stops hitting the Turkey] 

  Turkey : Here I am, the Christmas Turkey.

  Swedish Chef : Ë tøäks ä snïr!

  [swats the Turkey more with celery] 

  Turkey : Ow! Hey, watch it there, will ya?

  [the chef measures the turkey] 

  Turkey : Oh, I recognize it now. This is, thi--this is the traditional fitting, right, to see of the roasting pan is big enough for the nice fat *bird*?

  Swedish Chef : Yä yä yä. Gøbblë gøbblë tørkëy fïskëy wïskëy!

  Turkey : Of course, uh, before we go any further, uh, there is one thing, though, I think you should see.

  Turkey : Yöu mëan knïcksnä gøbblä gøbblä schnëërs?

  Turkey : If you think I'm a nice fat bird, LOOK AT THIS!

  [the Turkey opens the kitchen door to reveal Big Bird visiting with the other Muppets in the living room as castle thunder goes off] 

  Swedish Chef : Øhh, yüh!

  [tosses the pan away] 

  Swedish Chef : Dät's ä gøbblä gøbblä hümøngø!

  Turkey : Ain't it the truth?

  [snickers] 

• Kermit : Well, everybody, it's Christmas Eve and the tree is trimmed, so it's time for our annual carol sing. Take it, Rowlf.

• Rowlf : Oh, Mrs. Bear, I've been chasin' the truck, and boy - whoa!

  [slips on the icy patch] 

  Emily 'Ma' Bear : [as Rowlf gets up]  Oh, my. I guess Fozzie didn't tell you about the icy patch.

  Rowlf : No, I guess he didn't. Anyway, my name's Rowlf the dog; I've come for the holidays.