Stealing Harvard (2002)
Jason Lee: John
Photos
Quotes
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Duff's Mom : Hi John how's your parents?
John : Dead, still.
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Duff : We should make up some fake names.
John : Why?
Duff : Just in case we have to communicate while we're inside.
John : OK.
Duff : I wanna be Kyle. I knew this guy at camp. He was maybe 13. He got *two* girls pregnant, man. *Two* girls pregnant. Yea, Kyle. Who you gonna be?
John : Steve...
Duff : Steve.
John : Yeah.
Duff : OK, Steve.
John : OK, Kyle.
[John and Duff continue walking]
Duff : Wait.
John : What?
Duff : I wanna change. I wanna be Steve.
John : I'm Steve; You're Karl.
Duff : Kyle!
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John : Elaine never liked my sister Patty. Maybe it was because Patty was a free spirit. I say free spirit because I'm uncomfortable calling my own sister... sexually indescriminate trailer trash.
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John : Dave! John Plummer. Remember? You used to call me "asshole"?
David Loach : I call everybody "asshole."
John : Yes, but I believe I was the first. We were five, maybe six at the time?
David Loach : Congratulations, asshole. Now get to the point.
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John : Nothing could hold a candle to the fetish crime I just endured.
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John : We've been banging together like a pair of cymbals in an overworked marching band.
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Duff : I'm not goin' in.
John : What?
Duff : Someone has to watch in case he comes home.
John : I thought you said he was going to be out all night.
Duff : He *will* be out all night.
John : Then why do we need a look-out?
Duff : We don't. Just go in.
John : You go in.
Duff : Look, I'm not the one that needs the money. Why should I assume the risk?
John : What risk?
Duff : There is no risk.
[John shows his mad face and shakes his head]
Duff : Just go!
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Mr. Warner : Have you slept with my daughter?
John : Mr. Warner, I have never slept with Elaine.
Mr. Warner : Good! Godammit, that's good! Because if you had, John, I was gonna kick your balls up into your head and let them rattle around in your skull like dice in a Yahtzee cup. Have a good one!
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Mr. Warner : I'm gonna give you a few seconds of immunity here. Now, if you have slept with her, you tell me here, you tell me now, and we'll let it go... have you slept with my daughter?
John : Mr. Warner... I have never slept with Elaine
Mr. Warner : Good! Goddammit that's good! Because if you had John, I was gonna kick your balls up into your head and let 'em rattle around in your skull like dice in a Yahtzi cup. Have a good one!
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Detective Charles : I turned 40 last week. Do you know what I did? I got my colon scoped by Dr. Spencer. Do you know what he told me? He said "Detective Charles, you have one of the cleanest rectums I've ever seen." and do you know why? During my quiet time here at work I use a toothbrush that I have here in my desk to get to the really hard to find spots... just for a really good scrubbin'... you guys think you're so smart don't you?
Duff : No
Detective Charles : The way you made those survilence tapes just... disapear? You just... got rid of 'em some how...
John : What tapes?
Detective Charles : Will you do me a personal favor son?
John : Sure.
Detective Charles : Don't ever play ME... like a flute... OK? Because see, you two idiots got real lucky, I don't have enough to keep you here. But mark my words gentlemen... I mean... you're goin' down. I mean... you're either goin' down... or by God i'm gonna' take you down. But either way... once you're down?
[picks up a paper weight and slams it on his desk three times]
Detective Charles : YOU'LL STAY DOWN! YOU'LL STAY DOWN! YOU... WILL... STAY DOWN!
[Throws paper weight]
Detective Charles : Now get up and get out! Get up! get out! get up! get out! get up! get out! get up! get out! get up and go get up and go
[loud whistle]
Detective Charles : Don't touch my door!
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John : Duff? Don't you think you're taking a little bit too much off the top?
Duff : John, I know what i'm doing okay. I've got to taper it so the sunlight reaches the lower leaves during the growing season!
John : what about that string there?
Duff : ...the string is a guide John. It's just a guide!
