When Louis Met... The Hamiltons (2001 TV Movie)

Michael Coleman: Self - Solicitor

Quotes 

• Christine Hamilton : I could do without being marched off to police stations with threats of being searched and goodness knows what - I mean, what a flaming cheek! Jumped-up little Hitlers.

  Neil Hamilton : Will there be any refreshments in the police station?

  Michael Coleman : Yeah, if you want it. They're not allowed to beat you up, they used to be allowed to but not anymore.

  Louis Theroux : What, beat you up?

  Michael Coleman : Yeah. That got banned a few years ago, that spoilt everything.

• Louis Theroux : The only identifying characteristic she could come up with was a blue dress?

  Neil Hamilton : Yeah. She doesn't even know whether I'm circumcised or not.

  Christine Hamilton : Oh, for Christ's sake!

  Neil Hamilton : Oh no, we asked that question to the police. They don't know, needless to say, because they hadn't thought to ask it.

  Michael Coleman : I asked the policemen "Did she say circumcised or not?" And they said "Well, is he?" and I said "No, you ask her whether he is!"

• Michael Coleman : Being a lawyer, it's not application of law, it's a manipulation of people psychologically in order for them to behave in a way that they think they're behaving freely that suits your purpose. So again, that's what we're doing today. This really hasn't got anything to do about law, I mean, principally what this is about is a psychology game where you're the victims, or almost you're the ball as it were, and the policemen and I are the players.

  Christine Hamilton : This what I object to in lawyers, it's our lives that are at stake and to them it's just a game.

  Michael Coleman : What, the fact that we get such pleasure in playing with them?

  Christine Hamilton : It may be an intellectual game to some of them...

  Michael Coleman : It is an intellectual game.

  Louis Theroux : It's not very flattering, is it? Made you sound like - what did he say, football? You're a ball. And it doesn't matter whether you're innocent or guilty.

  Christine Hamilton : Well, we are, that is how we do feel. The newspapers don't care whether you're innocent or guilty as long as it's a good story. All they're interested in is shifting newspaper.

• Michael Coleman : [making a statement to the press outside the police station]  This afternoon, Mr and Mrs Hamilton, by arrangement with the police, were arrested. This arrangement was made two weeks ago. An accusation has been made against them that they took part in a rape and indecent assault of a woman, in Ilford on Saturday the 5th of May. The details of that allegation are quite horrific, and I think it's appropriate that you know of the allegation in order that, if any one of you is interested in it, that you should detail it. It's said that Mr and Mrs Hamilton were in a flat in Ilford when a young woman was raped. Whilst she was raped it is also said that Mr Hamilton was masturbating onto her, whilst another man, as yet unidentified by the police, was also masturbating onto her, and Mrs Hamilton was squatting on her face.