Scary Movie 3 (2003)

Kevin Hart: CJ

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mahalik : I heard Jamal from 90th street watched that tape last week and this mornin' he woke up dead!

  CJ : How the hell do you wake up dead?

  Mahalik : Cause' you're alive when you go to sleep.

  CJ : So you're telling me you can go to bed dead and wake up alive?

  Mahalik : You can't go to bed dead! That shit would've been redundant.

  CJ : No it would'nt cause' you can go to bed and not be dead, and you can die and not be in the bed.

  Mahalik : But you are in the bed. That's how you wake up dead in the first place fool!

  CJ : Damn! that's some quantum shit right there man! You should be teaching classes!

• George : You guys ever wonder what it would be like to stop livin' up here

  [puts hand up in the air] 

  George : and start livin' down here?

  [puts hand down low] 

  Mahalik : Or what if we stop livin' over here

  [puts his hand out to the side] 

  Mahalik : and move over there?

  [puts his hand to the other side] 

  CJ : Shit, my aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though.

  Mahalik : For what?

  CJ : Mice.

  Mahalik : I thought she had rats?

  CJ : No, rats are outside, mice are inside.

  Mahalik : But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse?

  CJ : I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'.

  Mahalik : That's because it's a rat, fool!

  CJ : Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there! A-Ha!

  George : Guys, I really don't see what this has anything to do with anything...

• U-God : You stepped on my shoe, bitch!

  Redman : Man, call me a bitch again and I'll park your truck... dead in yo ass!

  Macy Gray : DAMN, HOMEY!

  CJ : [to the rappers]  Hey yo, they comin! Over here!

  RZA : If I was you, son, I'd bust this shit right now!

  Method Man : Yo Momma!

  U-God : I got your number too, homey.

  Master P : He ain't gonna bust nuthin. I got nuts bigger than him.

  RZA : Oh, yeah? I'll roll up on you too... you country ass maple syrup biscuit eatin' nigga!

  Master P : Ya'll want some biscuits? You want some biscuits?

  [a shootout happens between all the gangster rappers; Macy Gray fires a rocket launcher killing all of them and herself] 

  Tom : I cannot believe what just happened!

  President Harris : These men all died for their country. Send flowers to their bitches and hos.