It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie (2002 TV Movie)
Steve Whitmire: Kermit, Rizzo the Rat, Beaker, Bean Bunny, Mr. Poodlepants, Statler - Assistant
Photos
Quotes
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Kermit : [on the phone with Kelly] Right, right. Listen, we are all big fans. I watch you every morning. And we were wondering if you'd come out and star in our Christmas show at the Muppet Theater.
Kermit , Kelly Ripa : I don't know, Kermit. I was hoping to spend the holidays with my loved ones.
Kermit : [on the phone with Molly] Well, good golly, Miss Molly. You are such a big star, it would be an honor to us if you would come out and be in our show.
Molly Shannon - Cameo Appearance : Let me remind you about the last time I worked with a frog. We fell madly in love. So, naturally I have a key made to his apartment. I break in and reorganize his closets while he's at work as a little favor. And how am I rewarded for going to all this trouble? The frog stops calling me. Remember that?
Kermit : [and the rejects begin] Hey there, Madonna, want a free Muppet t-shirt? Courteney, can you juggle? Thanks, Mr. Connery. I understand, Mr. Schwarzenegger. Hello, Mister Rogers? Hello, Angelina? Oh, hi there, Britney? Hello, Nicole? Gee, I could sure do with a little star power around there, Triumph. Is there any way you could help me out?
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Muppet movies are always the best.
Kermit : You mean that?
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : For me to poop on!
[laughs]
Kermit : Right, right, ya got me again, bye-bye.
[hangs up]
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Kermit : Ms. Bitterman, you can take the Muppet Theatre, but you'll never take the theatre in our hearts!
Rachel Bitterman : Well, that's good, because I don't want the theatre in your hearts; I want the theatre that exists in reality!
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Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Muppet movies are always the best.
Kermit : You mean that?
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : FOR ME TO POOP ON!
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Kermit : We're going to get you that money.
Rachel Bitterman : Yeah, when pigs fly.
[Miss Piggy suddeny comes flying by, dangling from the "five golden rings"]
Rachel Bitterman : For the record, I consider that flying pig to be a coincidence and not a sign from God!
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The Great Gonzo : [Gonzo into a walkie talkie] Gonzo to Scooter, Gonzo to Scooter. Bring home the bacon. Over.
Scooter : 10-4. Bacon down. Bacon down.
Rizzo the rat : [pulls on string trying to lift down Miss Piggy] Roger. Bacon down. Bacon down.
Miss Piggy : Will you hurry up? Don't make me miss my cue!
Scooter : The ham is jammed. Repeat the ham is jammed.
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Rizzo the rat : Gonzo, I sold my collection of rare cheese to buy you this crystal petri dish for your mold collection.
The Great Gonzo : Oh. Uh, gee, Rizzo. I sold my mold collection to buy you this diamond-tipped cheese slicer.
Rizzo the rat : Did you save the receipt?
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The Great Gonzo : Hmmm. Let's see. Shiny nose, laughing and calling names... I got it! Meet the new star of our show: Frosty the Snow-Rat!
Kermit : Gee Gonzo, I thought you would have gone with Rizzo the Red-Nosed Rat-Deer.
The Great Gonzo : Well, sure, if you want to go for the obvious.
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Beaker : Mee mee moo moo mee mee mind.
Dr. Honeydew : Yes, I think you have a beautiful mind too.
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Kermit : [as Miss Piggy is advertising over the phone] Piggy, what are you doing? You're not Jamaican.
Miss Piggy : Yeah, well I'm not psychic either.
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Kermit : The park! It's back! I'm back! And I've got spit in my eye, but I don't care, because I'm back, thanks to you, Daniel!
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Kermit : W-who are you? You look like some sort of ice cream man from 'Hello, Dolly!'
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Daniel : I know. We'll alert the press. We'll start a media frenzy...
Kermit : It's no use. Bitterman owns the papers, she owns the television stations, and three-quarters of the internet.
Daniel : How can one person own so much?
Kermit : Corporate synergy. It's out of control.
[Kermit crosses his legs, exposing an NBC logo under his flipper]
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Kermit : Well, he's acting a little strange, but gee, it's good to know Fozzie turned out basically okay.
Daniel : Yeah, if being a pickpocket is okay.
Kermit : What?
[looks down and realizes]
Kermit : He took my wallet! Unbelievable!
Daniel : And you don't even have pockets. Even more unbelievable.
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The Great Gonzo : This is Luc Fromage. He works with Cirque Du Soilet.
Luc Fromage : Behold, I give you my theatrical masterpiece!
Kermit : "Cirque Du So Lame?" Luc, I don't think it would be nice to have the word "lame" in our show.
Luc Fromage : It is not "lame"! It's "lah-mehy"!
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Kermit : Can we make enough money?
Dr. Honeydew : Yes... I mean, no... I mean, yes...
[Opens window where Beeker's hand is caught]
Dr. Honeydew : Beaker, do you have my wax pencil? Oh, never mind, here it is.
[Closes window on Beeker's hand again]
Dr. Honeydew : Yes, if we fill 1,900 seats...
Kermit : But that's impossible!
Dr. Honeydew : Or not pay anyone 'til New Year's.
Kermit : Oh, that's not so bad.
Dr. Honeydew : ...of next year.
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Kermit : I wish I'd never been born!
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Kermit : [watching Rizzo the Rat on "Fear Factor"] How can NBC live with themselves?
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Kermit : Uh, merry Christmas. I can see you really like cats.
Miss Piggy : Doesn't everyone?
