Saved! (2004)

Macaulay Culkin: Roland

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cassandra : There's only one reason Christian girls comes down to the Planned Parenthood.

  Roland : She's planting a pipe bomb?

  Cassandra : Okay, two reasons.

• Roland : [to Cassandra]  I don't want to be the guy who's with the girl because he needs her, I want to be the guy who's with the girl because he wants her.

• Cassandra : I'm not really a stripper, you know.

  Roland : I'm not really a Christian.

• Cassandra : Are you playing footsies with me?

  Roland : Wheelies.

• Veronica : Roland is so blessed to have such a thoughtful sister. You know, in countries like China, Hilary Faye would probably have been killed at birth.

  Hilary Faye : And then where would you be, Roland?

  Roland : China.

• Roland : Are you okay?

  Hilary Faye : No, Roland... I crashed my van into Jesus! Okay? I have a pimple the size of Jupiter! I am NOT okay! This is not how I wanted to remember my Prom. This is not how I wanted to remember my life.

  Roland : Well maybe we can fix it... with some glue, or something

• Cassandra : So I figured they would have sent you to a special school by now.

  Roland : [smirks]  This IS a special school.

• Cassandra : [Roland rolls up to Cassandra, wearing a black shirt with white laces down the middle]  What are you supposed to be?

  Roland : A roller skate.

• [during the school assembly, Cassandra stands up and begins yelling in Spanish] 

  Tia : [thinking]  Oh my god, the Jew girl's speaking in tongues!

  [Cassandra rips open her shirt] 

  Roland : She's going to show her boobs! Thank you Jesus!

  Patrick : [thinking]  She is, she's going to show her boobs!

  [looking horrified, Hilary Faye stands up at the podium] 

  Hilary Faye : She's saying she has a hot pussy!

  [the word "pussy" is bleeped out by microphone feedback] 

• [Mary is about to confess that Dean is gay] 

  Mary : I need to tell you guys something.

  [Van suddenly haults] 

  Hilary Faye : Eew.

  Veronica : Eew.

  Roland : WHAT? Wasn't like it was some kind of secret. The guy was like a one-man gay pride parade.

• Hilary Faye : Roland, does Jesus still love me?

  Roland : Probably not.

  [pause] 

  Roland : Yeah, why not.

• Mary : How was your summer, Roland?

  Roland : What?

  Mary : Your summer. How was it?

  Roland : Oh, it was great. I went roller-skating, water-skiing, learnt to kickbox. The usual.

  Hilary Faye : Roland, why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?

• Roland : You have everything, Hillary Faye. What are you afraid of?

• Cassandra : We should get back inside.

  [walks away] 

  Roland : [to himself]  Nice!

  Cassandra : [turns around]  Do you want a push?

  Roland : Thanks!

  Cassandra : [in his ear]  If you stare at my ass again, I will push you off a cliff.