Ocean's Twelve (2004)
Matt Damon: Linus Caldwell
Photos
Quotes
-
Matsui : So, business?
Danny Ocean : Business.
Rusty Ryan : A doctor, who specializes in skin diseases, will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
Matsui : [to Caldwell] Would you agree?
[Caldwell is visibly perplexed and perturbed, shaking his head]
Matsui : .
Danny Ocean : If all the animals along the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en... would fall... on the same day.
Rusty Ryan : Mm.
Matsui : Yeah. Hey. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Matsui : When I was four years old, I watched my mother kill a spider... with a teacosy. Years later, I realised it was not a spider - it was my Uncle Harold.
Linus Caldwell : [All eyes turn to him, expectantly] Oh, let the sun beat down upon my face, stars fill my dreams.
[Ryan claps hand across eyes]
Linus Caldwell : I am a traveller in both time and space, to be where I have been.
[Blank, yet stern, looks from everyone]
Linus Caldwell : [Outside, Ryan and Ocean join Caldwell in the street] Is he alright? Are we alright?
Rusty Ryan : Kashmir?
Danny Ocean : Is that your idea of making a contribution?
Rusty Ryan : We hadn't even started. We ain't even got to the terms yet.
Danny Ocean : We came this close to losing that.
Linus Caldwell : Hey, I don't even understand what happened in there. What did I say?
Danny Ocean : You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan : A very cheap one.
Linus Caldwell : What?
Danny Ocean : She's seven.
Rusty Ryan : Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...
Danny Ocean : No, you don't need to tell him that...
Linus Caldwell : Sorry.
Linus Caldwell : OK. So what does this mean?
Rusty Ryan : It means you stay here.
-
Linus Caldwell : [Linus is trying to convince everyone that Danny was actually the leader of "The Benedict Job"] Well, if any of you had a problem, who did you go to?
Basher Tarr , Turk Malloy , Virgil Malloy , Reuben Tishkoff , Livingston Dell , Yen , Frank Catton : [simultaneously] Rusty.
Danny Ocean : Thanks, Linus.
-
Linus Caldwell : Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan : If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell : Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan : Yes.
Linus Caldwell : Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan : Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.
Linus Caldwell : Wait, why not?
Rusty Ryan : Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
[walks off]
Linus Caldwell : Oooooooooo.
-
Linus Caldwell : Um, all right, let's go over the list again. Ah, Swinging Priest?
Basher Tarr : Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell : Crazy Larry?
Turk Malloy : Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell : Soft shoulder?
Basher Tarr : Not enough people.
Linus Caldwell : Baker's dozen?
Basher Tarr : No woman
[pause]
Basher Tarr : and not enough people.
Turk Malloy : Hell in a Handbasket?
Linus Caldwell : [sigh] We can't train a cat that quickly
[pause]
Linus Caldwell : and...
Linus Caldwell , Basher Tarr , Turk Malloy : Not enough people.
-
Molly Star : I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? I'm really proud of you.
Linus Caldwell : Thanks.
Molly Star : We both are.
Linus Caldwell : [pauses and looks at Star]
Linus Caldwell : [revealing that Molly Star is actually Mrs. Caldwell, his mother] You told Dad? You told Dad?
Molly Star : I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.
Linus Caldwell : [shaking his head, looks away from his mom]
Molly Star : [smiling] I'm sorry.
Linus Caldwell : Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
-
Tess Ocean : [while trying to get through a crowd of fans thinking she's Julia Roberts] How is this going to get Danny out?
Linus Caldwell : We need someone famous.
Tess Ocean : Why didn't you get someone famous?
Linus Caldwell : Just think Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Tess Ocean : [rather bewildered] She wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Linus Caldwell : 'I'. 'I wasn't in Four Weddings and a Funeral'! Just protect your fake baby!
-
Linus Caldwell : I blew the meet with Matsui.
Molly Star : Let me guess. He pulled a lost in translation on you?
Linus Caldwell : [shocked] Why don't I see these things?
-
Reuben Tishkoff : I can handle Saul's share.
Danny Ocean : You don't have to do that.
Reuben Tishkoff : Who would I talk to if you're all dead?
Danny Ocean : That's a good point. Alright, I owe 10. Amazing?
Yen : [speaks in Mandarin]
Rusty Ryan : [chuckles] Yeah, but it's a nice place.
Livingston Dell : So that comes to?
Reuben Tishkoff : 97, give or take.
Rusty Ryan : He didn't find us on his own. Someone helped him.
Reuben Tishkoff : Another thief.
Linus Caldwell : Well, there's no-one we'd know that would violate rule number one.
Danny Ocean : What we do know is we need a job. We need a high paying job.
Linus Caldwell : Well, now we're too hot to be working anywhere in this country.
Danny Ocean : So we go abroad. How 'bout we go to...
Rusty Ryan : [cuts in] We're on the 5:00.
Danny Ocean : Good. We're we going?
Rusty Ryan : Amsterdam.
Danny Ocean : Amsterdam, it is. Clock's running guys. Let's go.
Linus Caldwell : I've never been to Amsterdam.
Turk Malloy : I hear German girls are really hot.
-
Tess Ocean : This is just wrong.
Linus Caldwell : You mean like... morally?
Tess Ocean : Well... yeah I guess.
-
Danny Ocean : How much is everyone short?
Turk Malloy : 14.
Virgil Malloy : You're kidding me! You spent all but 5 million?
Turk Malloy : Yes! Are you going to start on me with that too? You don't know what it's like starting something from scratch!
Virgil Malloy : Well, with interest, I'm short 7.
Frank Catton : Eight.
Linus Caldwell : Well, I spent a million on talent development, so I guess that leaves me at 7. Boy, that interest just kills you, man!
Basher Tarr : I'm light 9.
Livingston Dell : What's the interest?
Reuben Tishkoff : 6.
Livingston Dell : Then I owe 6.
Turk Malloy : What?
Livingston Dell : I've been living with my parents.
Rusty Ryan : I owe 25.
[everyone looks at him, he chuckles wryly]
Rusty Ryan : Hotels, man.
-
Linus Caldwell : So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!
Basher Tarr : A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell : Yeah!
Basher Tarr : You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
[looking at Turk]
Basher Tarr : He's mad. It's madness.
Turk Malloy : Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell : No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr : You might be right. Make the call.
-
Linus Caldwell : Can I talk to you for a second?
Rusty Ryan : What is it?
Linus Caldwell : This might not be the perfect time or whatever to talk about it but I've been doing my homework and I'd really like to play a more central role this time around
Rusty Ryan : Right
Linus Caldwell : I'm ready for that and I wanted to know if I could maybe come to the meeting and help you guys negotiate
Rusty Ryan : It's just a sit down with Matsui he's got his own language
Linus Caldwell : I watched you and Danny really closely last time around
Rusty Ryan : In my professional opinion you're not ready but if you're convinced that you are ready, I can speak with Danny we can make this happen, but you've got to be sure
-
Linus Caldwell : OK, when did you leave the message?
Roman Nagel : Two days ago. She had your phone.
Danny Ocean : She has your...
Rusty Ryan : Yeah.
[beat]
Danny Ocean : That means that sh...
Rusty Ryan : Yep.
[beat]
Danny Ocean : Well you better...
Rusty Ryan : Yeah.
[walks away]
-
Reuben Tishkoff : Who's the guy on the $100 bill?
Linus Caldwell : Adams.
Danny Ocean : John Travolta.
Reuben Tishkoff : Yeah, he said every problem is an opportunity in disguise.
-
Virgil Malloy : Smoke the freak out.
Danny Ocean : Yeah.
Turk Malloy : Smoke the freak out.
Linus Caldwell : Hey!
Turk Malloy : What?
Linus Caldwell : Do we have to use that term?
Turk Malloy : What term?
Linus Caldwell : "Freak."
[pause]
Linus Caldwell : I mean the National Institute of Mental Health estimates 5.6 percent of adults develop agraphoriaphobia...
[unable to pronounce]
All : Agoraphobia.
Linus Caldwell : Whatever. I'm just saying, I mean, do we...? I don't think we need to be an organization that labels people.
Basher Tarr : Oh, now we're an organization?
Linus Caldwell : Would you call Emily Dickinson a freak?
Reuben Tishkoff : Are you hosting a telethon we don't know about?
Virgil Malloy : Who's Emily Dickinson?
Linus Caldwell : Am I the only one who feels funny about stealing from a... you know, a handicapped guy?