The Matador (2005)

Pierce Brosnan: Julian Noble

Photos 

Quotes 

• Julian Noble : Sorry about the cock thing, it's kind of a conversation stopper.

• Julian Noble : [after flirting with some Mexican schoolgirls]  I hate these Catholic countries. All blushy-blushy no sucky-fucky.

• Julian Noble : The margaritas always taste better in Mexico.

  Danny Wright : They certainly do.

  Julian Noble : Margaritas and cock.

• Julian Noble : I'm as serious as an erection problem.

• [trying to convince Danny to help him on a hit] 

  Julian Noble : Come on! It'll be a good time!

  Danny Wright : Oh, so now killing people is a good time?

  Julian Noble : ...Can be.

• Julian Noble : I'm a big fan of 'the gotta pee' theory of assassination.

• Julian Noble : I wouldn't do that for all the teenage twat in Thailand.

• Julian Noble : Just consider me the best cocktail party story you ever met.

• Julian Noble : I need a break. There's no retirement home for assassins is there? Archery at four. Riflery at five.

• Danny Wright : [discussing possible escape routes]  That door over there, if it weren't locked.

  Julian Noble : A Vietnamese girl I once knew had her legs so locked together I couldn't get a whiff of her spring roll. Two drinks, half a quaalude later, I was at an all you can eat buffet. Every lock can be broken. It's just a matter of will and whether it's worth it.

• Julian Noble : I look like a Bangkok hooker on a Sunday morning, after the navy's left town.

• Julian Noble : Yeah, whatever, goodbye, scoodoodle!

  Ten Year Old Boy : See you, would'nt wanna be you.

  Julian Noble : Smell ya, shouldn't have to tell ya.

• Julian Noble : Danny, Danny! Danny with the large white fanny!

• Genevive : Mr. Noble, how are you today?

  Julian Noble : More importantly, how are you...

  [looks at nametag] 

  Julian Noble : ...Genevive?

• Julian Noble : An assassin without confidence is a horrible thing to behold. It's like a relief pitcher who fumbles the ball.

  Danny Wright : Please tell me you know you mixed two sports in a metaphor.

  Julian Noble : Huh? Yeah, I can't do that.

• Julian Noble : I want to retire to a beautiful little Greek island, filled with beautiful little Greeks!

• Julian Noble : I'd only be interested in your mother if she lost 20 pounds and 30 years.

• Julian Noble : My handler, Mr. Randy, contacted me the way he always does, through an ad in the International Tribune looking for cat sitters in Bali.

• Julian Noble : I lie when I need to, tell the truth when I can.

• Bean : Did You bring your gun?

  Julian Noble : Yes, as a matter of fact.

  Bean : May I see it?

  Julian Noble : Really?

  Bean : Yes, please.

• Mr. Randy : Did you study the assignment?

  Julian Noble : No, I shredded it. Then I humped the bellboy on the room service cart.

• Julian Noble : I didn't mean to weird you out. I was wrong, please. I just get paranoid sometimes. I'm drunk. I'm tired, and I've just been fornicating for the past two hours, and before that I was doing shit - horrible business shit.

• Julian Noble : I'm the relief pitcher in the bottom of the ninth... and I've fumbled the ball.

• Hotel Bartender 1 : How you here for business or pleasure, sir?

  Julian Noble : My business is my pleasure.

• Mr. Randy : Goddamn it, Julian, you leave the game, even for a while, I don't know if they'll gonna let you back in. And then what the hell are you gonna do? Waste your days picking up illiterate teenagers for suck-and-fuck sessions behind the Old Navy store?

  Julian Noble : Sounds delightful to me.

• Julian Noble : Now, escape routes.

  Danny Wright : Escape routes?

  Julian Noble : Well you don't want to get caught right?

  Danny Wright : Oh, right.

  Julian Noble : Don't get caught. It sucks.