Guess Who (2005)

Bernie Mac: Percy Jones

Photos 

Quotes 

• Percy : I don't want to hear about you sleeping with my daughter - you're sleeping with me now.

• Howard Jones : You don't hear me calling no white folks honky and flat-ass!

  Percy : Casper.

  Howard Jones : Cracker.

  Percy : Ofay.

  Howard Jones : Peckerwood.

  Percy : Wonder bread.

  Howard Jones : Bird shit.

  Percy : Bird shit?

  Howard Jones : Well, it's almost white.

• Theresa : I was just showing Simon around the house.

  Simon Green : You have a very nice house, Mrs. Jones.

  Marilyn : Thank you, Simon. You can call me Marilyn.

  Simon Green : You too, Mr. Jones.

  Percy : Thank you, Simon. You can call me Mr. Jones.

  [Marilyn gives him a dirty look] 

  Percy : Just kidding.

• Percy : If you're gonna marry one of these women, sometimes it's gonna hurt like hell. And all you can do is admit that you're wrong and know that she's always right.

  Simon Green : She's right?

  Percy : That's right.

  Simon Green : Always?

  Percy : Right.

  Simon Green : Right.

  Percy : That's right.

  Simon Green : All right okay, what about all that talk about my dignity?

  Percy : Do you love her? Do you want her? Then she's always right.

• Percy : Hi. Reservation for Percy Jones.

  Polly : And that's Jones with a "J"?

  Percy : No, Jones with a "P". I made the reservation last week.

  Simon Green : You knew you were gonna kick me out a week ago?

  Percy : Son, I knew I was gonna kick you out 24 years ago... when the doctor announced it was a girl.

  Polly : Here you are.

  Percy : Good.

  Polly : We gave your room away.

  Percy : What?

  Polly : Check in was at 4:00.

  Percy : It's Thursday night. I'm quite sure you've got another room available.

  Polly : I'm sorry. We're completely booked, and so is everyone else. There's a Shriners convention in town, actually. May help you with anything else Mr. Pjones?

• Keisha Jones : Theresa's boyfriend is white.

  Percy : I know.

  Keisha Jones : Oh, I know you know. I just wanted to see your face when you heard it again.

• [Percy is informed that Simon, his daughter's boyfriend, is the white guy and not the black guy, he thought was Simon] 

  Percy Jones : Well who are you?

  The Cab Driver : Wesley Thompson, that's my cab. But if you're still down with me making your daughter happy... I'm good to go!

• Howard Jones : You didn't tell me he was white!

  Percy : Yes, I did, back at the retirement home.

  Howard Jones : I thought you was kidding.

• Polly : Next please.

  Percy : Hi, reservation for Percy Jones.

  Polly : And that's Jones with a J?

  Percy : No Jones with a P. I made reservation last week.