The Three Stooges (2012)

Stephen Collins: Mr. Harter

Photos 

Quotes 

• Young Moe : [Moe musically chants barbershop-quartet style]  Hello,

  Young Moe , Young Larry : [Larry joins Moe in chanting]  Hello,

  Young Moe , Young Larry , Young Curly : [Curly joins Larry and Moe as they chant together]  Hello.

  Young Moe , Young Larry , Young Curly : [spoken]  Hello!

  Mrs. Harter : [Mrs. Harter giggles; the young Stooges accidentally bump their heads together]  How precious!

  Sister Rosemary : Yes, I certainly don't envy you having to choose between such amazing children.

  Young Larry : The choice is easy! I'm your guy!

  [Larry starts tap dancing] 

  Mrs. Harter : That is so cute!

  Mr. Harter : Absolutely adorable.

  Mr. Harter : [to Mother Superior]  How long's he got?

  Mother Superior : Hmm?

  Mr. Harter : He's taking chemo, right?

  Mother Superior : No no no, he's healthy as a mule.

  Sister Rosemary : And almost as smart.

  Young Moe : Recede, Bojangles.

  [Moe pulls Larry back by his hair] 

  Young Moe : Pick me, I make the best potato peel and eggshell smoothies in town.

  [Mr. Harter chuckles nervously] 

  Young Curly : If you choose me, I'll let you play with my pet rat, Nippy! I even taught him a few tricks!

  Mother Superior : Oh, boys and their rodents.

  [Mother Superior chuckles] 

  Young Teddy : [Teddy enters the room]  Mother Superior, may I have a glass of milk, please?

  Mrs. Harter : Oh, who's this?

  Young Teddy : Hi, my name's Teddy, and someday, I'm gonna have a puppy.

  Mrs. Harter : Oh my God, he's wonderful.

  Mr. Harter : I thought you said there were only the three.

  Sister Rosemary : I never said that, I said "about three".

• Larry : Mr. Harter! Just the guy I wanted to see.

  Mr. Harter : I'll take the case. Please tell me it was Supercuts who did this to you.

  Larry : No, it's me, Larry... Moe, Larry, Curly, remember? From the orphanage.

  [Curly rhythmically claps his hands and barks] 

  Mr. Harter : Oh, my... goodness! Well, congratulations, you're still in remission. So... what brings you here?

  Curly : Look, I'll cut to the chase, moneybags: we're in a jam. The orphanage needs 830 grand, or it's going belly-up.

  Larry : Plus we got a sick kid getting fitted for angel wings.

  Mr. Harter : Terrific! So, who do we sue?

  Larry : Oh no, there's no one to sue; we need you to give us the money.

  Curly : Yeah.

  [Curly chuckles] 

  Larry : But we're not looking for a handout, mind ya. We'll work off every last penny right here in these halls.

  Mr. Harter : [sighs]  Look, I'm sorry, but, uh... I'm... committed to several other charities, and besides, I don't have that kind of money just laying around. But if you decide to sue the orphanage, I'm in.

  Curly : Uh, Mr. H., please, I know what you're thinking: that we're both lazy bums like Moe, but - but we're not. Uh, some of us aren't afraid to get our hands dirty.

  Mr. Harter : What? No, I never thought of Moe as lazy.

  Larry : It's all right, that slug told us the whole story about why you dropped him back off.

  Mr. Harter : Well, I can assure you it had nothing to do with his work ethic; he was ten. No, what - what happened was he wanted us to go back for you two, and frankly, it was... too much for us.

  [Larry and Curly look at each other in amazement] 

  Curly : You mean... he wouldn't go without us?

  Mr. Harter : No, he wouldn't. He was very adamant about wanting us to adopt all three of you, and... it was just out of the question, you understand. Anywho, got to skedaddle, late for a meeting. But if you ever do want to sue anyone for anything - a slip in the tub, a bone in the fish - I'm your guy.

• Moe : [in Teddy's bedroom]  Teddy! Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, what's the matter? Come on boy, speak to me.

  Teddy : [barely awake]  Who are you?

  Moe : It's us, it's Moe...

  Larry : Larry...

  Curly : And Curly.

  Teddy : [Teddy is still half-awake]  Guys, what are you doing here?

  Moe : All right buddy, we got you now.

  Moe , Curly , Larry : [Lydia and Mac enter Teddy's bedroom]  Nyah-ah-aah!

  Teddy : [drowsily]  Oh, honey, thanks so much for inviting the boys behind my back.

  Moe : That ain't the only thing she's doing behind your back.

  Curly : Yeah, she wanted us to smother you in your sleep.

  Larry : And now it looks like she slipped you some knockout juice.

  Teddy : [still drowsy]  Lydia, what are they talking about?

  Lydia : [feigning innocence]  Honey, I am as confused as you are. All I know is that these men crashed our party, and when we tried to remove them, they start acting crazy.

  Moe : Teddy, you've known us since you were a baby. Why, we were the ones who taught you how to play with matches. We treated you like a little brother. Why would we lie to you now?

  Teddy : [still drowsy]  Wait, Lydia, why am I still in bed if- if the party's going on?

  Mac : [Lydia looks at Mac while trying to come up with an answer]  I'll tell you why.

  Teddy : [Mac reveals his left hand, which has a gun in it]  Oh, Mac.

  Moe , Curly , Larry : Nyah-ah-aah!

  Mr. Harter : [Mr. Harter enters the room, with a gun in his right hand]  Don't even think about it, Mac.

  Mr. Harter : [the Stooges sigh and chuckle with relief]  Real slow, now. Drop it to the floor.

  Mac : Not a problem.

  [Mac slowly puts the gun on the floor] 

  Teddy : Good work, Dad. You know, I had a feeling something was going on, but you, Mac? I mean, you were my best pal. Why would you do that?

  Mac : It wasn't my idea; she was calling the shots, I swear.

  Mr. Harter : No, Mac, I was calling the shots.

  [Lydia walks up next to Mr. Harter, and kisses him, indicating Mr. Harter's and Lydia's treacherous partnership to get rid of Teddy] 

• Mr. Harter : [in the Harters' car]  Hey Moe, do you know what day today is?

  Young Moe : No clue.

  Mr. Harter : It's your birthday.

  Young Moe : Really?

  Mrs. Harter : Well, to us it is, because today is the day that you came into our lives. So... what would you like as a birthday present?

  Young Moe : Aw, I'm good. This - this lollipop's really hitting the spot.

  Mr. Harter : [Mrs. Harter gasps, and Mr. Harter chuckles]  Oh now, come on. come on, there's gotta be something that would make your birthday complete. Just go crazy, champ, anything your heart desires.

  Young Moe : Well, when you put it that way...

  [Moe whispers into Mrs. Harter's ear] 

  Mr. Harter : Well, what is it?

  Mrs. Harter : He, uh... he wants us to go back and get his two friends.

  Mr. Harter : Oh, Moe, heh, three youngsters are an awful lot to take on, like, all at once.

  Young Moe : Oh, don't you see, Pop? That's the beauty of it. It's not gonna cost you a dime extra. Them two termites can bunk with me. I'll even split my meals with them.

  Mr. Harter : Yeah, I don't know, Moe, it's just...

  Young Moe : And you don't have to worry about sending them to fancy schools, 'cause they're not interested in reading or numbers. Heavy lifting and ditch digging, that's their dream.

  Mr. Harter : Wow, those guys really mean a lot to you, don't they?

  Young Moe : They're all I've ever had.

  Mrs. Harter : Moe's right, honey. We can't possibly separate these three boys.

  Young Moe : There we go! That's my mom talking.

  Young Moe : [Mr. and Mrs. Harter drop Moe off back at the orphanage, deciding to adopt Young Teddy instead]  Forget it! It was a bad idea! I don't want nothing! Mommy! Daddy! Please!

  Young Moe : [sadly]  Don;t go.

• Mrs. Harter : I hope you'll forgive us for coming early; we just couldn't stand to wait another day.

  Mother Superior : Oh, we understand, Mrs. Harter. This is a great surprise. We have three delightful youngsters for you to meet.

  Mr. Harter : Three? 'Cause we were under the impression there were more than that.

  Sister Rosemary : Nope, that's it, just the three. Children, get on in here, Mr. and Mrs. Harter don't have all day.

  Young Moe : [Moe musically chants barbershop-quartet style]  Hello,

  Young Moe , Young Larry : [Larry joins Moe in chanting]  Hello,

  Young Moe , Young Larry , Young Curly : [Curly joins Larry and Moe as they chant together]  Hello.

  Young Moe , Young Larry , Young Curly : [spoken]  Hello!

• Mac : [Mac has a scratched face from his disastrous encounter with the zoo's lion]  I don't get you, Lydia. Why would you throw a big anniversary party for Teddo? I thought we were trying to kill the guy!

  Lydia : We are, I just want lots of witnesses for when that dope accidentally falls head first from that balcony.

  Mac : Ohhh.

  Mr. Harter : Well... you two are certainly looking rather cozy.

  [Mac and Lydia laugh] 

  Mr. Harter : Good lord Mac, what- what happened to your face?

  Mac : New kitty.

  Mr. Harter : Ah.

  Mac : I'm gonna go freshen up my drink.

• Teddy : [the Stooges, Teddy, Mac, Mr. Harter and Lydia are all passengers in Mr. Harter's car]  I don't get it. Why did it have to come to this, Dad?

  Mr. Harter : Well, son, I didn't get rich... simply by... lawyering. I married into it. Unfortunately, when your mom passed away, she left everything to you.

  Mac : So you were just using me to do your dirty work?

  Lydia : Oh, heh, you cracked the code.

• Mac : [Curly giggles and laughs ticklishly]  What's so funny, butter-bean?

  Curly : Nothing, Nippy's whiskers are tickling me.

  Lydia : Who's Nippy?

  Curly : Him.

  [Curly takes Nippy, the Stooges' pet rat, out of his coat; Mr. Harter and Lydia scream with terror] 

  Lydia : [Nippy gets stuck in Lydia's cleavage]  Take it out!

  Mac : [Mac makes a hard left turn; the Harters' car falls into a nearby lake, Lydia screams]  Open the door! Shoot the window out!

  Mr. Harter : [Mr. Harter pulls the gun out]  No, it's wet!

  Lydia : Why would you let the gun get wet?

  [the car's computerized navigation system says: "When possible, make a legal U-turn."] 

  Lydia : [Everyone gasps for air]  How long will the air last?

  Mr. Harter : Maybe... five minutes, if we stay calm.

  Larry : Oh, we got to break a window.

  Teddy : It's impossible: There's a thousand pounds of water pressing against that glass.

  Mac : Great! Great! How could this possibly get any worse?

  [Bubbles occur near Curly as a result of indigestion; everyone groans at the stench] 

  Curly : I'm sorry, I guess the "pesto-bismol" didn't help with the lobster.

  Moe : [angrily]  Did you eat the shells again?

  Curly : I don't know; it was on the plate, and then it wasn't.

  Moe : Wait a minute! Does anyone have a lighter?

  Larry : No... All I got are these stupid, easy-light, waterproof safety matches.

  Moe : Why you...

  [Moe bonks Larry on the head] 

  Larry : Ow!

  Moe : Gimme that! Everybody close your eyes!

  [Moe strikes a match on Curly's face] 

  Curly : Maybe that's not such a -

  [the explosion blows the car up, and everyone escapes to the lake's surface]