- Moe: [points at Snooki's Guinness beer hat] Just 'cause she's wearing a genius hat doesn't mean she is one.
- Larry: Hey, quit horsing around, you two. You're disturbing my coffee break.
- Curly: Oh, boy, donuts! Where's mine?
- Moe: They're small. Why don't you have two?
- Curly: Okay.
- [Moe sticks donuts in Curly's ears]
- Curly: Oh, now look what you did, Moe! You got donut stuck in my ears!
- Larry: Hey, you're in luck. They got a donut remover right here.
- Moe: What's a donut remover?
- Larry: It's one of these.
- [reads the sign on the bell]
- Larry: "Do-nut remove-uh."
- Moe: Huh. What are the odds of that?
- Mother Superior: Like Moses in the desert, I believe the Lord will guide them. Because they're pure of heart.
- Sister Mary-Mengele: And dim of wit.
- Head Nurse: Can't you read? Visiting hours are over.
- Curly: Even for family?
- Head Nurse: You're related?
- Curly: Yeah.
- Head Nurse: How?
- Curly: His mother and my mother were both mothers.
- Larry: $830,000. First taker gets a three-man working machine. It's all spelled out in this here contract, folks.
- Moe: That's right. No job is too small. We'll press your pants, we'll shine your shoes.
- Curly: We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze. Nyuk nyuk.
- [Moe slaps Curly]
- Moe: What's the matter with you? Quit givin' away the fine print.
- Young Moe: Anesthetic!
- Young Larry: Anesthetic!
- Young Curly: Anesthetic!
- Young Moe: 15 milligrams. Give!
- Young Curly: Right.
- [counts off on a croquet mallet]
- Young Curly: Five, ten, fifteen!
- [conks Sister Mary Mengele out]
- Lydia: My husband is suffering from an incurable disease that eventually will kill him.
- Mac: Unfortunately, it could take a year, possibly more. The pain increasing daily till I lapse into an irreversible coma.
- Curly: I had that. Only it was just in my feet. Yeah. It's called coma toes.
- [Curly and Larry laugh]
- Moe: [mock laughing] Oh, coma toes, huh?
- Curly: Yeah.
- [Moe stomps on Curly's foot]
- Moe: Are they awake now?
- Ronnie: What are you, crazy? That's assault!
- Moe: Heres your pepper. Shut up.
- [Moe slaps him]
- The Situation: My man!
- Ronnie: Who asked ya, muscle-head?
- [Moe pokes him in the head]
- JWoww: Moe! You can't just go around hitting people.
- Moe: No? Well, can I do this?
- [Moe plucks out her nose hair]
- Moe: Hmm, rare bouquet.
- Moe: What are you grubworms doing?
- Curly: Getting seconds on lobster.
- Moe: Seconds? I thought lobster upset your stomach.
- Curly: I dipped it in pesto-bismol.
- Moe: Oh, you like dipping, eh?
- Curly: Yeah.
- Moe: Come here.
- [Moe dips Curly's head into the water, he pulls him out with a lobster attached to his face]
- Larry: Hey, look, it's Santy Claws. Claws!
- Moe: What did I tell you about puns?
- [Moe stuffs the lobster down Larry's pants]
- Larry: Hey. Who's this lady?
- Ling: That's Teddo's wife, Lydia.
- Larry: Teddy's wife?
- Ling: Yep. Oh, she's one lucky girl.
- Larry: Then who's the guy on the end?
- Ling: Oh, that's Teddo's best friend, Mac.
- Curly: Well, then who's Mr. Fancy-Pants in the top hot and scarf?
- Ling: That's a snowman.
- Larry: Yeah, but what's his name?
- Mac: [furiously - while trapped in car submerged in water] Great! Great! How could this possibly get any worse?
- Moe: [passes gas, everybody groans in disgust] I'm sorry! I guess the pesto-bismol didn't help with the lobster.
- Moe: [grabs Curly by the ears and says furiously] Did you eat the shells again?
- Curly: I don't know! It was on the plate and then it wasn't!
- Mother Superior: [after Larry & Curly walk into Murph's room] I'm sorry, boys. Murph is very ill.
- Larry: Why isn't she in a hospital?
- Mother Superior: Well...
- Sister Mary-Mengele: I'll tell you why. Because we don't have any medical insurance.
- Larry: Well, you should get some. Just call that little green alligator guy.
- Larry: 830,000 bucks. We prefer it in hundreds, folks.
- [sees archery bows on sidewalk outside of a sporting goods store, picks one up, repeatedly stretches its bowstring to test it, shoots an arrow high up into the air, then looks around confusingly trying to see where it went]
- Larry: Wow, in the wrong hands this thing could be dangerous.
- Mac: [as he and Lydia are being arrested] Come on, come on, what's it gonna take, huh? Come on, come on, let's make a deal, I- I...
- Lydia: [screaming at Mac] Shut up!
- Mac: You shut up!
- Policeman #3: Just get in there.
- Mac: [to the police officer] I'll sing like a canary. You know, you name 'em, I'll blame 'em.
- Policeman #3: I don't care.
- Teddy: It's ironic, isn't it? Here I am, the so-called "lucky one" who got adopted, and yet I never could find the one thing that you three have always had. You know, you're happy with yourselves, and with each other. That's a real blessing. So what can I do to pay you guys back for saving my life?
- Lydia: Funny you should ask: Can you give us 830,000 bucks to save the orphanage?
- Teddy: Uh... no.
- [the Stooges gasp in shock]
- Teddy: That guy that adopted me, he shipped me off to military school when I was seven. And he just... he just tried to murder me, and run off with my wife, and- and you expect me to just give money to the women who handed me over to that monster? I'm sorry, guys, I'd do anything for those kids and- and you guys, but... I can't do that, uh... sorry.
- Policeman #3: Excuse me, Mr. Harter? Could you come over here and give us a statement? Right this way.
- Moe: [Moe slaps Larry] "Donut remover."
- Larry: Hey, bub, your trousers are falling down. Let me help you.
- [Larry yanks up Gangbanger's pants]
- Gang Banger: Hey, man, you trying to get yourself capped?
- Larry: Oh, no thanks. I don't wear hats. Why would I with a head of hair like this?
- Curly: Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry! Fellas, do something!
- Larry: [nervously] Moe, Moe!
- Moe: What's the matter with y...
- [gasps]
- Curly: Call 411
- [whimpers]
- Moe: [to Larry] Quick, help me grab sister M and M before chowderhead crushes her!
- [bonks to a water retainer, Curly falls on top of her, Mary-Mengele groans]
- Moe: [to Curly] You, help out.
- [to Larry]
- Moe: You, grab that bucket, splash some water on her.
- [metal from the bell hits Mary-Mengele thru the bucket]
- Larry: See? I told you there's too much iron in the water.
- Moe: Speak to me, sis. Say a few parables!
- Sister Mary-Mengele: [dizzy and hallucinating] I saved 15% on my car insurance.
- Larry: She seems fine to me.
- Moe: Come on, let's go see what Mother Superior wants.
- [Sister Mary-Mengele's head hits the water retainer]
- Moe: [groans]
- Moe: Fellas, it's too high -
- [Larry and Curly collide with Moe, nearly pushing him over the rooftop]
- Moe: Aaah!
- [Larry and Curly catch Moe by the legs and pull him back to the roof]
- Moe: Why you lamebrains!
- [Moe slaps Larry and Curly across their faces]
- Larry: Hey, look, a fire hose! We can lower ourselves down to the ground.
- Moe: The kid's right, it's foolproof! Come on.
- [the Stooges unwind the fire hose and jump down to the ground below; the hose comes off its reel and the Stooges drop to the ground, landing on Teddy]
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Aah-aah!
- [the hose's reel hits Moe on the head as Teddy gets back on his feet]
- Moe: Ow! Why don't you watch where you're going, bud?
- Teddy: I'm sorry, 100 percent my fault. Sometimes I just get lost in my own head and I - Moe? Larry, Curly, is that you?
- Moe: Depends who's asking.
- Teddy: It's me, Teddo J. Harter.
- Moe: Who?
- Teddy: Teddy, from the orphanage, Teddy. You remember, Moe, I went home with your parents.
- Moe: What're you trying to pull? The Teddy we knew was this tall and he only had one shoe.
- Larry: Yeah, and he didn't sound like you.
- Teddy: Here- here, look, I got a snapshot of me and the 'rents leaving the orphanage.
- [the photo shows Teddy being adopted by his new parents and Moe being taken back by the nuns]
- Larry: Hey, it is you.
- [Larry looks at Teddy's photo]
- Larry: I was wondering, how are Moe's folks doing? They seem like good eggs.
- Teddy: Yeah, well Dad's doing great, I work with him at the law firm downtown; but Mother, she passed on several years ago, hunting accident.
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Oh, sure, yeah.
- Teddy: So, you boys on Facebook? I'll poke you.
- [the Stooges recoil at the mention of "poke", being unaware that it's a different kind of "poke"]
- Teddy: Better yet, I'll tweet you.
- Curly: Oh, tweet us to dinner? Soitanly!
- Mac: Ohh!
- Lydia: My husband is suffering from an incurable disease that eventually will kill him.
- Mac: Unfortunately, it could take a year, possibly more, pain increasing daily until I lapse into an irreversible coma.
- Curly: I had that, only it was just in my feet, yeah. It's called coma-toes.
- [Larry and Curly laugh]
- Moe: [Moe laughs sarcastically] Oh, coma-toes, huh?
- Curly: Yeah.
- Curly: [Moe stomps on Curly's toes] Ohh!
- Moe: Are they awake now?
- [Curly growls]
- Mac: Gentlemen.
- [the Stooges look behind them, unaware that Mac is referring to them]
- Mac: [losing patience] Gentlemen!
- Curly, Moe, Larry: Oh.
- Mac: I'm sure you can understand why I... prefer to leave this world on my own terms, rather than spend the rest of my life a vegetable.
- Moe: I don't know, it sounds illegal.
- Larry: Wait a minute, legs. Did you say $830,000 bucks?
- Lydia: I did.
- Larry: [Larry whistles Whew] That's a good day's pay.
- Curly: Hey, wait a minute, fellas. That's exactly the amount of money we' re looking for.
- Moe: You're right. This must be fate, time-bomb. You can count us in!
- Mac: [the Stooges shake Mac's hand] Ah, that's swell.
- Young Moe: [Moe musically chants barbershop-quartet style] Hello,
- Young Moe, Young Larry: [Larry joins Moe in chanting] Hello,
- Young Moe, Young Larry, Young Curly: [Curly joins Larry and Moe as they chant together] Hello.
- Young Moe, Young Larry, Young Curly: [spoken] Hello!
- Mrs. Harter: [Mrs. Harter giggles; the young Stooges accidentally bump their heads together] How precious!
- Sister Rosemary: Yes, I certainly don't envy you having to choose between such amazing children.
- Young Larry: The choice is easy! I'm your guy!
- [Larry starts tap dancing]
- Mrs. Harter: That is so cute!
- Mr. Harter: Absolutely adorable.
- Mr. Harter: [to Mother Superior] How long's he got?
- Mother Superior: Hmm?
- Mr. Harter: He's taking chemo, right?
- Mother Superior: No no no, he's healthy as a mule.
- Sister Rosemary: And almost as smart.
- Young Moe: Recede, Bojangles.
- [Moe pulls Larry back by his hair]
- Young Moe: Pick me, I make the best potato peel and eggshell smoothies in town.
- [Mr. Harter chuckles nervously]
- Young Curly: If you choose me, I'll let you play with my pet rat, Nippy! I even taught him a few tricks!
- Mother Superior: Oh, boys and their rodents.
- [Mother Superior chuckles]
- Young Teddy: [Teddy enters the room] Mother Superior, may I have a glass of milk, please?
- Mrs. Harter: Oh, who's this?
- Young Teddy: Hi, my name's Teddy, and someday, I'm gonna have a puppy.
- Mrs. Harter: Oh my God, he's wonderful.
- Mr. Harter: I thought you said there were only the three.
- Sister Rosemary: I never said that, I said "about three".
- Larry: Mr. Harter! Just the guy I wanted to see.
- Mr. Harter: I'll take the case. Please tell me it was Supercuts who did this to you.
- Larry: No, it's me, Larry... Moe, Larry, Curly, remember? From the orphanage.
- [Curly rhythmically claps his hands and barks]
- Mr. Harter: Oh, my... goodness! Well, congratulations, you're still in remission. So... what brings you here?
- Curly: Look, I'll cut to the chase, moneybags: we're in a jam. The orphanage needs 830 grand, or it's going belly-up.
- Larry: Plus we got a sick kid getting fitted for angel wings.
- Mr. Harter: Terrific! So, who do we sue?
- Larry: Oh no, there's no one to sue; we need you to give us the money.
- Curly: Yeah.
- [Curly chuckles]
- Larry: But we're not looking for a handout, mind ya. We'll work off every last penny right here in these halls.
- Mr. Harter: [sighs] Look, I'm sorry, but, uh... I'm... committed to several other charities, and besides, I don't have that kind of money just laying around. But if you decide to sue the orphanage, I'm in.
- Curly: Uh, Mr. H., please, I know what you're thinking: that we're both lazy bums like Moe, but - but we're not. Uh, some of us aren't afraid to get our hands dirty.
- Mr. Harter: What? No, I never thought of Moe as lazy.
- Larry: It's all right, that slug told us the whole story about why you dropped him back off.
- Mr. Harter: Well, I can assure you it had nothing to do with his work ethic; he was ten. No, what - what happened was he wanted us to go back for you two, and frankly, it was... too much for us.
- [Larry and Curly look at each other in amazement]
- Curly: You mean... he wouldn't go without us?
- Mr. Harter: No, he wouldn't. He was very adamant about wanting us to adopt all three of you, and... it was just out of the question, you understand. Anywho, got to skedaddle, late for a meeting. But if you ever do want to sue anyone for anything - a slip in the tub, a bone in the fish - I'm your guy.
- Terrified Nun: It's not my turn, get somebody else.
- Mother Superior: Sister Ricarda, how about you? Will you please go tell the boys to come down for lunch?
- Sister Ricarda: Uh, I would, Mother Superior, I swear I would, but the doctor told me to steer clear of them for a couple of weeks. on account of my nerves.
- Mother Superior: How about you, Sister Rosemary?
- Sister Rosemary: Oh yeah, just like the army? Put the black folks on the front line? Uh-uh. What about Sister Mary-Mengele? She knows how to handle them.
- Mother Superior: Oh, poor thing, she has a toothache, so she went to lie down.
- Sister Rosemary: You mean she's asleep? Where are the boys?
- Moe: [in Teddy's bedroom] Teddy! Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, what's the matter? Come on boy, speak to me.
- Teddy: [barely awake] Who are you?
- Moe: It's us, it's Moe...
- Larry: Larry...
- Curly: And Curly.
- Teddy: [Teddy is still half-awake] Guys, what are you doing here?
- Moe: All right buddy, we got you now.
- Moe, Curly, Larry: [Lydia and Mac enter Teddy's bedroom] Nyah-ah-aah!
- Teddy: [drowsily] Oh, honey, thanks so much for inviting the boys behind my back.
- Moe: That ain't the only thing she's doing behind your back.
- Curly: Yeah, she wanted us to smother you in your sleep.
- Larry: And now it looks like she slipped you some knockout juice.
- Teddy: [still drowsy] Lydia, what are they talking about?
- Lydia: [feigning innocence] Honey, I am as confused as you are. All I know is that these men crashed our party, and when we tried to remove them, they start acting crazy.
- Moe: Teddy, you've known us since you were a baby. Why, we were the ones who taught you how to play with matches. We treated you like a little brother. Why would we lie to you now?
- Teddy: [still drowsy] Wait, Lydia, why am I still in bed if- if the party's going on?
- Mac: [Lydia looks at Mac while trying to come up with an answer] I'll tell you why.
- Teddy: [Mac reveals his left hand, which has a gun in it] Oh, Mac.
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-ah-aah!
- Mr. Harter: [Mr. Harter enters the room, with a gun in his right hand] Don't even think about it, Mac.
- Mr. Harter: [the Stooges sigh and chuckle with relief] Real slow, now. Drop it to the floor.
- Mac: Not a problem.
- [Mac slowly puts the gun on the floor]
- Teddy: Good work, Dad. You know, I had a feeling something was going on, but you, Mac? I mean, you were my best pal. Why would you do that?
- Mac: It wasn't my idea; she was calling the shots, I swear.
- Mr. Harter: No, Mac, I was calling the shots.
- [Lydia walks up next to Mr. Harter, and kisses him, indicating Mr. Harter's and Lydia's treacherous partnership to get rid of Teddy]
- Mother Superior: Boys, where have you been? We've been looking for you everywhere.
- Moe: Well, I guess we just didn't have the nerve to come back and tell you... we failed.
- Mother Superior: Oh, you didn't fail. Look at our new home.
- Moe: [surprisedly] New home? Who paid for all this?
- Peezer: You did!
- Moe: Huh?
- Moe's Hip Executive: The kid's right. The money's coming out of your pocket.
- Moe: Sorry slick, but we don't have that kind of dough!
- Moe's Hip Executive: Oh, you will. See, the network has taken the liberty of paying off the orphanage's debts and building the new complex. Think of it as an advance. All you got to do is sign right here, boys, and you three will be the stars of our next big reality show: "Nuns vs. Nitwits". What do you say?
- Moe: Oh, gee!
- Curly: I always wanted to be a nun! Mmm...
- Mother Superior: Oh, and by the way, the Jersey Shore kids pitched in for the down payment.
- Balloon Girl: [hanging on to the balloons which have risen to the sunroof] Mommy!
- Moe, Larry, Curly: Nyah-ah-aah!
- [one of the guests cries out "Oh!"]
- Moe: Think of something, lamebrains!
- Larry: [Larry points to a rifle on the wall] Hey look, a balloon popper.
- Curly: Oh, heh-heh-heh.
- [Larry gets the rifle from above the fireplace]
- Larry: I'll get it!
- [Larry starts to aim the rifle]
- Moe: What's the matter with you? That's a kid up there! Where's your gun safety?
- [Moe takes the rifle from Larry's hands, and hits him on the forehead with the rifle's butt end; the rifle fires, popping one of the balloons as the little girl falls on the cake below]
- Balloon Girl: [laughing] That was awesome!
- French Chef: Nooo-oh-oh-oh-ohhhh, oh-oh-ohhh! Mon gateau!
- Moe: Come on, fellas.
- [last lines]
- Moe: Gee, it sure feels good to not louse things up for once.
- Curly: Oh, you said it.
- [Curly leans on the diving board, knocking Sister Mary-Mengele into the swimming pool]
- Sister Mary-Mengele: Aaah!
- Curly: Oh, oh, oh oh!
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah!
- Sister Mary-Mengele: I'm going to mash your heads... like potatoes!
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Nyah-aah-aah!
- Curly: Woo-woo, woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!
- [the Stooges jump on trampolines and over the hedge, landing on horses and riding away]
- Moe, Curly, Larry: Whoa!
- Larry: Hey fellas, wait! Wait up! Whoa, whoa! How do you steer this thing? Oh, boy...
- Curly: I got the saw, Moe.
- Moe: Yeah? Well, you're too late.
- [turning around, he finds Curly revving the chainsaw an inch from his face]
- Moe: Nyahh!
- [taking it away]
- Moe: What's the matter with you? You trying to hurt someone? Why, you...!
- Curly: [Moe uses the saw on his head] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, look!
- Moe: [seeing the teeth are chewed up] Nyah! Now look what you did.
- Curly: It's not my fault. There was a chain reaction on the saw, see? Saw.
- Moe: Oh, a punster, eh?
- [looking around for the sledgehammer]
- Moe: Where's that hammer?
- Bobby Farrelly: [epilogue] Hello everyone, I'm Bob Farrelly.
- Pete Farrelly: And I'm Pete Farrelly, and we're the guys that made the movie you just watched.
- Bobby Farrelly: We want you know that all the stunts that were performed in our film, they were done by professionals. And all the tools are not real, they're rubber. Watch this:
- [Bobby picks up a hammer made of rubber, and bends the plastic head; he hits Pete on the head]
- Bobby Farrelly: Now let's watch that with sound effects.
- [Bobby hits Pete with a hammer, and this time a "clank" sound effect is heard]
- Bobby Farrelly: Pretty cool.
- Pete Farrelly: Remember that sledgehammer scene? That, too, is made out of rubber. Fake, isn't that right, Bobby?
- [Pete bends the rubber head of a sledgehammer prop]
- Bobby Farrelly: That's right, Pete.
- [Pete hits Bobby with the rubber sledgehammer prop, a "clank" sound effect is heard]
- Pete Farrelly: See? he didn't get hurt.
- Bobby Farrelly: Remember the eye poke?
- [Bobby jabs two fingers against Pete's forehead, making a "poke" sound effect]
- Bobby Farrelly: Now let's look at that again in slow motion.
- [the instant replay shows Bobby's fingers only making contact with the forehead just above the eyebrows, but not in the eyes, making a "poke" sound effect]
- Bobby Farrelly: Kids, do not poke anyone in the eye. It's very dangerous.
- Pete Farrelly: The point is, this movie's all about fun and games, so please play safe at home. Thank you.
- Teddy: Hey, wait a minute, where are you guys living?
- Moe: You know the Ritz Carlton on Oak Street?
- Teddy: Oh, sure.
- Curly: Yeah, we're camped out in the dumpster out back.
- Larry: But not the dirty, beat-up green one. It's the shiny blue one right next to it
- Teddy: Oh... You know, I've got an idea: Why don't you guys come crash at my place, just until you get your feet back on the ground?
- Larry: Oh boy, that sounds terrific!
- Curly: Yeah, heh.
- Moe: We're not going anywhere.
- Larry: What are you talking about, Moe?
- Moe: Thanks Teddy Bear, but we're gonna stay put. We got too many irons in the fire right now.
- Teddy: Of course you do. Hey look, I gotta get going; I'm supposed to be visiting a friend. Wait, let's get a quick pic first.
- Moe: What is that gadget?
- Teddy: It's an iPhone.
- Curly: [squints into Teddy's iPhone] Eye-phone? Hello? Hello! There's nobody there.
- Teddy: Works better on your ear. Here, come on, everybody.
- Moe: Where do you think you're going?
- [Moe pulls Larry's hair]
- Larry: Aah!
- Moe: Here, let me get- Wait a minute, wait a second.
- [Moe climbs on top of Curly and Larry as they pose for a quick photo]
- Teddy: Smile!
- [Teddy takes the Stooges' photo]
- Teddy: [Teddy chuckles] Oh, that's great. It's so good to see you guys, really. You haven't changed a bit.
- Larry: [after Moe has just refused Teddy's offer to stay at his place] Hey, what- Have you got rocks in your head? Teddy was trying to help us out, and you blew him off! What gives?
- Moe: We'll help ourselves out.
- Larry: Well, what about the orphanage? Teddy's dad has dough, maybe he would have given us the 800,000 bucks.
- Moe: We don't need handouts from that chump; we told those kids we'd come up with the cash, and that's just what we are going to do.
- Larry: Yeah, how?
- Moe: Well... we still got that seed money, don't we?
- Curly: Seed money?
- Moe: The cash Mother Superior gave us.
- [Moe reaches into his shoe and pulls out the seed money]
- Moe: This 72 bucks is our ticket to riches.
- Curly: Riches? Woo-woo, woo-woo. How do you figure?
- Moe: Well, it's seed money, right? What do you do with seeds?
- Larry: Spit 'em out.
- [Moe slaps Larry]
- Larry: Ow!
- Moe: You plant them. We'll become farmers.
- Larry: Farmers? I always wanted to be a farmer.To the farm!
- Curly: To the farm!
- Moe: To the farm!
- Larry, Moe, Curly: [Larry plays the kazoo as the Stooges sing] A farming we will go! A farming we will go, a farming we will go
- Curly: Woo-hoo!
- Larry, Moe, Curly: A farming we will go!
- Larry: ["Turkey in the Straw" plays in the background; a sign reads "Rolling Gills, The Kings of Farm Raised Sammin"] Here's a little drink for you, Elsie.
- Larry: [Larry holds a watering can over the salmon] Jonesy, you gotta hold still in order to get a drink. Hello, Maritza, you're getting your color back.
- Curly: [Curly steps on a salmon to shoo the flies away] Ralphie don't look so good.
- Moe: Poor guy's drying out.
- Curly: Oh, good for you, Ralphie. Realizing there's a problem is half the battle, heh-heh.
- Larry: Hey look, our first customer.
- Curly: Woo-woo-woo.
- Golf Superintendent Dave Lamson: What are you doing?
- Moe: Only selling the finest farm-raised salmon in the county, that's all.
- Curly: Yeah, they're all free-range; no nets, no cages. They can go wherever they want.
- Larry: Plus we have smoked salmon.
- [Larry holds up a salmon with a cigar in its mouth]
- Curly: Oh.
- Golf Superintendent Dave Lamson: But this is a golf course!
- Larry: So what? We let 'em play through.
- Curly: What's your beef?
- Moe: Yeah, we're trying to save an orphanage. Look, are you here to buy fish, or are you just kicking the tires?
- Larry: [a police car pulls up] Hey, do your job. Cart path only.
- Golf Superintendent Dave Lamson: I'll cart path you, you little -
- [Moe pokes Lamson in the eyes]
- Larry, Curly, Moe: Nyah-ah-ahh!
- Curly: Woo-woo-woo, woo-woo!
- [the Stooges run away]
- Moe: It's the five-o, scram!
- Officer Mycroft: You again!
- Larry, Curly, Moe: Nyah-ah-ahh!
- [the Stooges run off with a windmill, then throw it to the ground as they run away]
- Larry: Oh, my back.
- [the Stooges run through a hole in the hedge]
- Moe: [riding on Curly's back and dangling a carrot in front of him] Yah! Yah mule! Yah!
- Moe: [the Stooges run into an alley] Whoa, whoa!
- Moe: [Curly snorts like a horse] Easy, Seabiscuit, easy!
- Larry: [pulls repeatedly on a locked door] We're trapped like rats!
- Moe: Speak for yourself, rodent.
- [pushes Larry aside]
- Moe: We're going to need a battering ram.
- [Moe and Larry look at Curly]
- Officer Mycroft: You go that way, I'll go this way!
- [Officers Mycroft and Armstrong split up]
- Officer Armstrong: Okay!
- [Armstrong wheezes as he chases the Stooges on foot]
- Moe, Larry: [Moe and Larry use Curly as a battering ram against the door] Heave-ho! Heave-ho!
- Curly: Oh oh, fellas, ease up, you're squeezing my ankles too tight!
- Moe: Quit your whining.
- Moe, Larry: Ho!
- [Curly groans from the pain as the Stooges break through the metal door]
- Larry: Stop it! Stop in, Moe! I've had it with you! You're the cause of all our problems since day one.
- Moe: How do you figure?
- Larry: You should have gone and lived with Teddy's folks back when they wanted to adopt you!
- Curly: Yeah, that way you could have come back and and helped us all out.
- Larry: But no, the great and powerful Moe is too lazy to squeegee the pool.
- Moe: Ah, you don't know what you're talking about.
- Larry: Oh no? Why do you think we never got another shot at getting adopted again? Because when you messed it up that day, you messed it up for all of us!
- Moe: Look, if you two got ants in your pants, then why don't you just leave? I'm getting sick and tired of looking at your monkey faces anyhow! Being with you two is like dragging around a couple of boat anchors!
- [Larry and Curly quietly gasp to themselves]
- Curly: Well, fine. Then... Good-bye, Moe.
- Larry: Yeah... good-bye.
- Moe: Well, what are you waitin' for? Go on, scram! I bet you two earthworms won't last a day without me!
- [Curly grunts in annoyance, Larry picks up a clump of hair, and they both walk out]
- Moe's Hip Executive: [the audience says "Bravo!" as the stage lights reveal the audience portion of the studio, with Moe unaware that he was taking part in an audition after Larry and Curly have just left] Brilliant, just brilliant! What an original way to showcase your personality by putting on a skit!
- Executive: Very smart!
- Moe: Huh?
- Moe's Hip Executive: That is exactly what we're looking for! Someone who's not afraid of confrontation, who's passionate about his opinions, right or wrong.
- Executive: That's what America craves!
- Moe: What are you flappin' about?
- Executive: Oh, he's beautiful!
- Moe's Hip Executive: Congratulations, sir; You are the newest cast member of the world's number-one rated reality show!
- [the audience applauds, Moe gasps with surprise]