Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical (2005 TV Movie)

Alan Cumming: Lecturer, Goat-Man, FDR

Photos 

Quotes 

• FDR : A little orphan girl once told me that the sun would come out tomorrow. Her adopted father was a powerful billionaire so I suppressed the urge to laugh in her face, but now, by gum, I think she may have been on to something!

• [last lines] 

  Parents : It's time for parents to take a stand / For the preservation of this great land / 'Till the things that scare us are burned or banned, / Or smashed to smithereens! / And once the reefer has been destroyed, / We'll start on Darwin and Sigmund Freud, / And sex depicted on celluloid, / And communists and queers!

  Lecturer : When danger's near, exploit their fear!

  Parents : The end will justify the means!

• Mr. Paul Kochinski : You can't believe everything you read and that don't make me a commie!

  Lecturer : Mr. Kochinski, Mr. Hearst is a fine American businessman and a graduate of Harvard University. Where did you matriculate?

  Mr. Paul Kochinski : Huh?

  Lecturer : Ma.tric.u.late. It means where did you go to college?

  Mr. Paul Kochinski : Well... I... I didn't.

• Lecturer : Do your children enjoy jazz music? For I am here to tell you that Cab Calloway, Dizzy Gillespie, Duke Ellington, and the whole weed-blowing ginger-colored lot are merely masquerading as musicians and are, in fact, agents of evil. Reefer slows down the smoker's sense of time, allowing him to squeeze in unnecessary grace notes, giving this voodoo music the power to hypnotize white women into indulging in acts of unspeakable degradation.

• Lecturer : Creeping like a communist, it's knocking at our doors, turning all our children into hooligans and whores!

• Mae Coleman : Ralph? Sally? We're back! We got take-away from Dim Foo's. Sally? Ralph?

  [Mae screams as Sally's disembodied head rolls down the stairs] 

  Ralph Wiley : [jumps down the stairs nibbling on Sally's arm. He picks up Sally's head and sings]  I found me a snack, it was nice and fresh!

  Lecturer , Zombies : The weed made him hungry for human flesh!

  Jack Stone : Step away you mug! / 'Cause that's a brand new Persian rug!

  [Ralph mockingly runs the bloody end of Sally's head on said rug] 

  Mae Coleman : He's not gonna stop!

  Mae Coleman , Jack Stone : Murder him! Murder him! Murder him! Murder him!

• Sally DeBains : [chant]  Come on, Jimmy, Come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally/Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally!

  Jimmy : Umm... no thanks... I don't think I ought to

  Sally DeBains : [chant]  Come on, Jimmy, Come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally/Come on, Jimmy, come on, Jimmy, suck it down for Sally!

  Jimmy : Um... I have to go now... thanks for having me...

  Jack Stone : [chant on top of Sally]  Take a toke of T-stick, Take a toke of T-stick/Take a toke of T-stick, take a toke of T-stick

  Mae Coleman : [chant on top of the others]  Smoke it, you make choke at first, but then the worst is over/Smoke it, you may choke at first, but then the worst is over!

  Ralph Wiley : [chant on top of the others]  Don't be a chicken!/Don't be a chicken!

  Lecturer , Parents : [repeated on top of others]  Don't, Jimmy! Don't do it! Don't be a fool!/Don't, Jimmy! Don't do it! Don't be a fool!

  Sally DeBains , Jack Stone , Mae Coleman , Ralph Wiley , Lecturer , Parents : [All chants repeated several times until Jimmy takes a hit] 

  Lecturer , Parents : *NO*!

• FDR : Hold on, boys! I, for one, would like to hear what the blood-spattered young lady has to say.