Transamerica (2005)

Kevin Zegers: Toby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Toby : Your parent's house is a lot nicer.

  Bree Osbourne : My parent's house comes with my parents.

• Toby : Beauty is relative.

  Bree Osbourne : Not my relatives.

• Toby : You're gonna cut your dick off for Jesus?

  Bree Osbourne : They don't "cut it off!" It just becomes an innie instead of an outtie.

• Toby : How come an Indian wears a cowboy hat?

  Calvin : Well, I guess it's because it keeps the sun out of my eyes better than a head band and a couple of eagle feathers.

• Bree Osbourne : Fasten your seatbelt.

  Toby : I don't like wearing them.

  Bree Osbourne : Well I don't like the idea of seeing your internal organs splattered all over the dashboard if we get into a wreck, God forbid, so put it on.

• Toby : I'm out of cigarettes.

  Bree Osbourne : Quel dommage.

  Toby : What's quel dommage mean?

  Bree Osbourne : It means you're not getting any cigarettes.

• Bree Osbourne : Eat your vegetables

  Toby : [Toby starts eating with his hands] 

  Bree Osbourne : And might wanna use a fork. Just an idea.

• [the Hitchhiker steals Bree's car] 

  Toby : Oh shit!

  Bree Osbourne : My purse. My hormones! You dirty motherfucking hippie!

  Toby : My dog book was in that car.

• Toby : And these shoes. Three dollars, a dollar fifty each. You know how much these things are worth in Japan?

  Bree Osbourne : Three dollars?

  Toby : Like 500 dollars. Japanese people kill for old Nikes.

  Bree Osbourne : Then you probably should avoid wearing them in Japan.

  Toby : Yeah, I'd probably be, like, disemboweled by a ninja.

  Bree Osbourne : You don't have to say "like". "Probably disemboweled by a ninja" is sufficient. And please don't put your feet up on the dashboard.

• Wayne : School's gonna be closing in about fifteen minutes.

  Toby : Wayne, this is really hard. Do you think you could give me a hand?

  Wayne : Sure - what subject?

  Toby : [Toby stands, pushes down his surfer shorts]  Sex education.

• Toby : Did you know that the Lord of the Rings is gay?

  Bree Osbourne : I beg your pardon.

  Toby : There's this big, black tower, right? And it points right at this huge burning vagina thing, and it's like the symbol of ultimate evil. And then Sam and Frodo have to go to this cave and deposit their magic ring into this hot, steaming lava pit. Only at the last minute, Frodo can't perform, so Gollum bites of his finger. Gay.

• Toby : Dude, there's things about her she's not tellin' you.

  Calvin : Well, every woman has a right to a little mystery, dude.

  Toby : You know she's a Jesus freak? She's probably waitin' to convert you.

  Calvin : She can convert me any time she wants to.

• Bree Osbourne : What are you doing?

  Toby : What I'm good at.