Clerks II (2006)
Ethan Suplee: Teen #2
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Quotes
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Jay : You know, sometimes I wish I'd done a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places, selling weed and shit. Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe be an astronaut. Yeah. And be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. Or find a new alien life form... And fuck it. And people would be like "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once."
[Silent Bob looks at him weirdly, before two teenage drug buyers start to approach them]
Jay : Holy shit out first customers since our triumph of return, act cool.
Teen #1 : You guys holdin'?
Jay : Yeah, everything but coke, heroin and your cock.
Teen #2 : What?
Teen #1 : How about a nicklebag?
Jay : [Improvised rapping] Oh, fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong-nong-nonga-nonga-nong-nong.
[Teen #2 gives Silent Bob $15, who exchanges it for a nicklebag of weed]
Teen #1 : So, ahh, haven't seen you guys in a while. Where've you been all this time?
Jay : Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car. We're cruising down to the boardwalk, fuckin' middle-town cop pulls us over for suspicion of mischief.
Teen #1 : What the fuck's that mean?
Jay : Drivin' around with a deployed airbag. Cops pull us over, they find two pounds of Jamaican Landswolf. Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime but the judge gives us rehab instead.
Teen #1 : Shit, rehab?
Jay : Yep yep.
Teen #2 : How long were you in?
Jay : Six months, sir. We got six months and two days on the wagon, as a good friend of Bill W's. Check it out.
[Holds up rehab token]
Jay : Just got it two days ago, before we got out.
Teen #2 : Yeah but if you're holdin' all the time, aren't you gonna be tempted to get high?
Jay : Oh, not with the power of Christ on my side, sir.
[Silent Bob holds up a Holy Bible]
Teen #2 : Is that a fucking Bible?
Jay : Hey, hey, the Holy fucking Bible, son.
Teen #2 : [to Teen #1] What the fuck kinda song-bird Jesus-freak dealers d'you bring me to?
Teen #1 : I like them, man. They're funny.
Teen #2 : They're fuckin' stupid.
Jay : You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like did you know Jesus was a Jew?
