I Could Never Be Your Woman (2007)

Michelle Pfeiffer: Rosie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Izzie : Mom, when can I have sex?

  Rosie : When you have your masters degree.

• Older TV exec : Courtney Love?

  Producer : Drugged-out hag.

  Older TV exec : Faye Dunaway?

  Producer : Don't call us, we'll call you!

  Older TV exec : Sharon Stone?

  Producer : Hag.

  Older TV exec : Geena Davis?

  Producer : Hag.

  Older TV exec : Sigourney Weaver?

  Producer : Hag.

  Older TV exec : Kim Basinger?

  Producer : Hag.

  Older TV exec : Emma Thompson?

  Producer : Brit hag.

  Older TV exec : Susan Sarandon?

  Producer : Red-state-alienating hag!

  Older TV exec : Meg Ryan?

  Producer : Too much plastic surgery.

  Older TV exec : Melanie Griffith?

  Producer : WAY too much plastic surgery.

  Older TV exec : Patricia Heaton?

  Producer : *Pointless* plastic surgery.

  Older TV exec : CHER.

  Producer : *Insurmountable* amount of plastic surgery!

  Rosie : [who's been overhearing all this from the next chair & getting increasingly annoyed, swings round & grabs the Producer by the chin]  Listen, you little bird of a man, where do you come off insulting these women? How many hit songs did you sing? How many Oscars do *you* have? Could you look cute next to Warren Beatty? Or live with Don Johnson? Or act with Ted Danson? You're not worthy of kissing Cher's tattooed ass!

• Rosie : When you reach 18.

  Izzie : 15?

  Rosie : 17?

  Izzie : 15 is the new 17.

• Izzie : How do you make a positive number turn negative?

  Rosie : Take away its Prozac and put it with a bunch of smaller numbers.

• Rosie : So that's how it ends? The most powerful male gets the most babelicious female?

  Mother Nature : That's right.

  Rosie : Well, what if there's a really cute male antelope, or a female that shows signs of leadership?

  Mother Nature : Useless.

  Rosie : Why?

  Mother Nature : Look, there's an order to this mating business.

  Rosie : Why can't we change things?

  Mother Nature : Haven't you self-centered, pec-loading assholes changed enough? It's not natural!

  Rosie : What's so great about natural?

  Mother Nature : What?

  Rosie : Think about it. Tobacco is natural, Prozac's unnatural. Earthquakes are natural, television's unnatural. Natural sucks!

• Rosie : Please tell me you're wearing shorts under that.

  Nathan : Yes. They're just cut really high. Besides, I've got good legs and a great butt.

  Rosie : Yeah, well, you know that's what everyone says "There's Nathan, what an ass."

• Rosie : Putz: noun - a yokel; a jerk.

  Censor : My rabbi consultant said it means penis.

  Rosie : We're allowed to say penis!

  Censor : Yes, you can say penis, but this is the bad penis. Like 'prick'.

  Rosie : And... what exactly is the *good* penis?

  Adam : [starts to take off his belt and unbutton his pants]  Check it out.

  [snickers from ensemble of 'You Go Girl' actors] 

• Rosie : Young is far superior to old.

  Adam : In what?

  Rosie : In everything.

  Adam : Oh yeah? Who's funnier: Tom Green, or George Carlin?

  Rosie : Well, that's a freak example.

• [last lines] 

  Mother Nature : This is good. Now you can settle down and act your age.

  Rosie : What's that supposed to mean? Easy listening and orthopedic shoes?

  Mother Nature : That sounds about right, yeah.

  Rosie : No, I don't wanna do that. I wanna stay passionate. I-I wanna scream at rock concerts, and-and get angry at the news. And - I wanna wear miniskirts!

  Mother Nature : You're gonna look ridiculous!

  Rosie : Yeah, well, when enough people are ridiculous, it starts to look normal.

• Rosie : What did I tell you about jumping on beds?

  Izzie : Only in hotels and at Daddy's house.

• Rosie : Remember when we had that talk about you being 29? I keep thinking about how... *young* that is.

  Adam : Well, I'm planning on getting older.

  Rosie : [laughs]  Yeah, well I'm not planning on getting younger.

  Adam : That's just being stubborn.

• Izzie : Okay, Hannah's in love with him, and she's past aggressive.

  Rosie : Past what?

  Izzie : You know, past aggressive. People who act all friendly, but really aren't? Like Jeannie.

• Rosie : [sudden panic about her lies]  I'm 40!

  Adam : 29.

  Rosie : What happened to 30?

  Adam : What happened to 39?

  Rosie : You're not even in your 30s.

  Adam : Well, neither are you.

• Rosie : I decided we shouldn't go out any more.

  Izzie : Why? I like him.

  Rosie : Eh. I'm trying to be mature.

  Izzie : That's not really your style.