Poirot (TV Series)

Cards on the Table (2006)

Zoë Wanamaker: Ariadne Oliver

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Shaitana : [gesturing grandly to his mansion]  It is modeled on the Alhambra!

  Ariadne Oliver : In Pontefract?

  Mr. Shaitana : [bemused]  In Spain.

  Ariadne Oliver : Oh, I thought you meant the picture house. Sorry.

• Ariadne Oliver : [looking around the study; to Poirot]  Have you redecorated?

  Hercule Poirot : No... I moved.

  Ariadne Oliver : Hmph!

• [Hercule Poirot attends a party at Mr. Shaitana's home] 

  Mr. Shaitana : My dear Monsieur Poirot, come in, come in. How simply divine to see you.

  Hercule Poirot : Monsieur Shaitana.

  Mr. Shaitana : I don't know if you know the famous Mrs. Oliver.

  Hercule Poirot : Ah, yes, of course I do. Enchante, Madame.

  Ariadne Oliver : Hello, Poirot.

  Hercule Poirot : I did not realize you accepted this kind of invitation, Madame.

  Ariadne Oliver : Oh, well, Mr. Shaitana can be awfully persuasive.

  Mr. Shaitana : We met at a literary dinner. Mrs. Oliver was the guest of honor.

  Ariadne Oliver : Oh, yes, it was the Crime Writers Circle, wasn't it? Come to think of it, what were you doing there?

• Mr. Shaitana : Dr. Roberts.

  Dr. Roberts : Good to see you, Shaitana. I'm not late, am I? An elderly patient called me out. She thought she had a tumor; I thought she was depressed.

  Mr. Shaitana : And what did you prescribe?

  Dr. Roberts : Champagne and oysters at Wilton's. She'll be right as rain by tomorrow.

  Ariadne Oliver : [to Poirot]  Remind me never to go to him if I'm poorly.

• Hercule Poirot : Do you know anyone here, Madame?

  Ariadne Oliver : No, I don't know a soul, but I've made a few inquiries.

  Hercule Poirot : Oui?

  Ariadne Oliver : Yes. That little thing is Anne Meredith, a country mouse, up to town.

  [referring to Major Despard] 

  Ariadne Oliver : The dashing major can't keep his eyes off her. As a matter of fact, I've got his book on my shelf. Oh, what's it called? "Amazonian Idle?" I haven't read it yet, but I intend to, because I'm planning to send Sven up the jungle.

  Hercule Poirot : [puzzled]  Sven?

  Ariadne Oliver : Sven Hjerson? My DETECTIVE.

  Hercule Poirot : Ah.

  Ariadne Oliver : Fictional, of course.

• Miss Dawes : I never imagined you did your own typing. I thought you'd have a secretary.

  Ariadne Oliver : I did have a secretary. Only she was so competent, it used to depress me, so she had to go.

• Ariadne Oliver : I've no idea who the older lady is, Mrs. Lorrimer, but she and the young one

  [referring to Anne Meredith] 

  Ariadne Oliver : have been throwing glances at each other in the most odd manner. Who's the policeman?

  Hercule Poirot : Superintendent Wheeler of Scotland Yard.

  Ariadne Oliver : [judging Wheeler's expression]  Bowel trouble, that would be my guess. And your friend, from the Foreign Office?

  Hercule Poirot : Oh, that is Colonel Hughes.

  Ariadne Oliver : Secret Service, is he?

  Hercule Poirot : [pointedly]  Jen sais pas.

• Ariadne Oliver : Hm, seems our Mr. Shaitana is a little bit... crime-minded, shall we say? He has the most curious taste. One never knows what he's going to find amusing. Might be something... cruel.

  Hercule Poirot : You mean, peut-être, like the foxhunting?

  Ariadne Oliver : No, I meant something more... Oriental.

• Ariadne Oliver : [about Dr. Roberts]  Of course, that Welsh name. Never trust the Welsh.

• Ariadne Oliver : Oh, look, it's Mr. Shaitana. What is he? An Armenian? A Greek?

  Hercule Poirot : No one knows. All that is known is that he is one of the richest men in London.

  Ariadne Oliver : He gives me the jitters.

• Ariadne Oliver : What if they're all leading you up the garden path?

  Hercule Poirot : No, it is not possible to take Hercule Poirot along the path. Whether they try to hinder me or to help me, they necessarily reveal their type of mind.

• [Hercule Poirot and Ariadne Oliver are in a gallery when Poirot frowns at an abstract sculpture] 

  Ariadne Oliver : You really must try and broaden your horizons a little. Some of these pieces are terribly revealing. For instance, what do you make of that?

  Hercule Poirot : [sighs]  I - I do not know what to make of it, Madame Oliver.

  Ariadne Oliver : Not symmetrical enough for you?

• Supt. Jim Wheeler : O'Connor?

  Sgt. O'Connor : Sir?

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : Send in Dr. Roberts.

  Sgt. O'Connor : Yes, Sir.

  Ariadne Oliver : I'd kept him 'til last. - Sorry, sorry, in a book I mean.

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : Real life is a little different.

  Ariadne Oliver : Yes, badly constructed.

• Ariadne Oliver : [at the gallery]  ... Some of these pieces are terribly revealing. For instance what do you make of that.

  [nodding at a sculpture] 

  Hercule Poirot : I do not know what to make of it Madame Oliver.

  Ariadne Oliver : Not symmetrical enough for you?

• [to Poirot; about Dr. Roberts] 

  Ariadne Oliver : Remind me not to go to him when I'm poorly.

• [repeated line] 

  Ariadne Oliver : Bother!

• [Poirot, Mrs. Oliver, Col. Hughes and Supt. Wheeler enter the room where Shaitana is sleeping in a chair, while the other guests are playing bridge] 

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : Mr. Shaitana? It's about time we'd be going. Mr. Shaitana?

  [pause; he looks at Mr. Shaitana's face] 

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : I'm damned if he has fallen asleep.

  [He notices a handle of a stiletto knife sticking out of Mr. Shaitana's vest. He gets up and looks at Poirot] 

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : [serious]  I say... Poirot?

  [Poirot looks up, comes over to Mr. Shaitana's chair and examines him while Wheeler removes the glass goblet from Mr. Shaitana's hand. After an intense moment, Poirot gets up and turns to Col. Hughes] 

  Hercule Poirot : Col. Hughes?

  Colonel Hughes : [Col. Hughes comes over and checks Mr. Shaitana's pulse; filled with shock]  My God...

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : [tot the guests]  Um... May I have your attention please? I regret to inform you that Mr Shaitana... is dead.

  Mrs. Lorrimer : [genuinely shocked]  Dead?

  Dr. Roberts : [getting up]  There must be some mistake... Let me look at him.

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : That won't be necessary, doctor. Stay where you are.

  Dr. Roberts : The fellow must have fainted.

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : He hasn't fainted... He's been murdered.

  Ariadne Oliver : Murdered?

  Supt. Jim Wheeler : Stabbed through the heart!

  [Mrs. Oliver's eyes widen in shock]