User Reviews

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

A man is haunted by a recurring nightmare that three large breasted women are trying to have sex with him. This is a nightmare? Apparently it is and it disturbs him so much he decides to drive into the woods to see if he can find the source of his dreams. Monique Parent is the understanding wife who has sex with him in the forest to try to take his mind off of his witch problem. Soon they will run into the witches, (Glori-Anne Gilbert, Julie K. Smith and Stormy Daniels), at a house that looks remarkably similar to the house featured in "Lust Connection". When I say similar, I mean it's the exact same house. The guy must exorcise his demons by having sex with each and every woman in this movie. His wife gets to have some fun in the hot tub and bath tub with the witch girls. A lot of tub action in this one. It all leads to a showdown with the witches as they have plans for his horny mortal soul.

The filmmakers must have gotten a real deal on this house. They have now filmed two skin flicks at it and I feel safe in saying that we'll be seeing it again in some future Julie K Smith/Glori-Anne Gilbert/whomever romp. That hot tub has seen a lot of beautiful things. Also like "Lust Connection", this movie only has one guy in it. They must be giving away lottery tickets to star in these movies. If your number hits, you can go to the mountain house of love and get it on with as many hot chicks as the movie can fit in. It's probably just more cost effective to have one guy and save the money for the women.

Speaking of women, let me once again praise Julie K Smith. She gets a turn with the guy in his bedroom and a session in the bath tub with Parent and Gilbert. I don't think it can be said enough times that her breasts are fantastic. So let me say it now. Her breasts are fantastic. Stormy Daniels also makes a fine horny witch. She gets to pop into the infamous hot tub with Gilbert and Parent and also gets to have sex with super stud by a tree trunk. I wouldn't mind seeing her in more hot tub adventures. I wish I could say that Gilbert rocks my world but she doesn't. She just doesn't know what to do in a lesbian sex scene. Her scenes in the bath and hot tubs should have been great but she clearly is uncomfortable. During the hot tub scene, she keeps staring off screen as if someone is talking to her. I can guess what they were saying, "Do something!". However, her scene with the guy in the woods was pretty good and she does get naked at the drop of a hat. There are good things about her but it would probably be wise to keep her away from other naked women.

Overall, "Witches of Breastwick" is a fine sex flick. It improves on "Lust Connection" by letting the ladies have some quality time away from the lottery winning guy. It's got everything a horny witch movie should have: Hot women, naked breasts galore, sex in hot tubs, and a few scenes of actual witchery. Not too much witch action but just enough to give the illusion that there is actually a plot hiding amongst the parade of naked women.

I only have a few questions.

If you're being tortured by three voluptuous witches, should you lick your lips? And judging from everything else other that the licking of the lips, he was being tortured.

If you go to a therapist and he gives you advice and you go against it, whose fault is it when you end up tied to a stake becoming a sacrifice to an old witch? And what exactly was the point of the secretary's striptease on the doctor's desk? Why was the doctor's desk eerily similar to a conference room table? Was that for the striptease? What kind of white powder makes you cheat on your spouse with hot buxom witches? If you're sleeping next to your beautiful redheaded wife and a super hot brunette comes into your room and offers you hot passionate sex, should you take it? Shouldn't you at least know her name? What if your wife wakes up? She's only three feet away after all. Also, if that same hot brunette has actually come to warn you, but ends up screwing your brains out and then says there's no time to explain why you should leave in the first place, wouldn't you be just a little angry? Should you look into the camera while performing lesbian love scenes? Just curious.

I know it's a B-movie and I wouldn't expect Academy Award acting, but

If you like big-breasted soft core and nothing else, this movie will give you plenty of what you want. If, like me, you fantasize about beautiful, wicked women who do evil with gusto and then get their comeuppance, the movie will also work for you. Though the plot here is paper-thin, there IS a story: three alluring witches seduce an attractive young couple with a view toward sacrificing them to another witch whom they're trying to summon from the dead. I don't ordinarily care for silicone; but the three wicked witches are quite lovely, and this loveliness makes it more poignant (and so, for me, more sexy) when they're at last vanquished. A seemingly endless series of sex scenes typically doesn't work for me--instead makes me reach for the fast forward. Here, I was able to enjoy each scene, spiced up by what I hoped would be the girls' downfall. I was not, on the whole, disappointed. I only wish the final showdown between good and sexy evil could have been longer. So, if you share my kink, you should get some pleasure from this movie.

Okay, I just finished watching "The Witches of Breastwick" and I gotta say....I was impressed by the huge boobs on display, but the storyline (what little of it) left a lot to be desired. Let's just say that there's a reason 80% of the grade is based on the women and the sex.

We begin with David Carter (Matt Dalpiaz, a softcore regular), a man who has been having strange dreams lately--dreams of him tied up and seduced by three women with fairly big breasts. Yep, it's the kind of dream most men would really, REALLY like to have. Unfortunately, he doesn't (why??) and he goes to see a shrink about it. Dr. Richards (Jay Richardson, a softcore veteran) doesn't really help him all that much, but I'll tell you who really helped Dr. Richards--his assistant, played by Jodie Moore, a smokin' hot Aussie porn star. She does a little strip tease on top of the board room table, and it was quite a performance. She said nothing--she let her body do the talking.

Now, back to the story. In order to get the bottom of these dreams he's been having, he takes a drive out to the woods, accompanied by his wife Tiffany (played by B-movie supervixen Monique Parent, this time as a red-head). Of course, the Carters carve out a little time to have sex out in the open and they continue on until the car suddenly dies for no reason. Tiffany spots a house nearby, and since her cell phone is getting no reception, she decides to knock on the door and see what's up.

Who answers? A woman with dirty blonde hair and big boobs, wearing a tight white top and a denim mini-skirt. NICE. Oh....the woman's name is Lola, played by Julie K. Smith. It's nice to see she's still working. She gives the Carters some drugged up wine and persuades them to spend the night with her and her two friends, Felicia and Rebecca (Stormy and Glori-Anne Gilbert, respectively--right down to the big knockers).

For the next 45 minutes or so, the film manages to loosely wrap a story around various sex scenes involving the three ladies, David, and Tiffany. They throw in another woman named Holly (Taimie Hannum, a favorite from way back) who gives David some inside info as to who these women really are--they're witches, and they've put a spell on the Carters. Apparently, David is the descendant of a judge who sentenced a famous witch named LaCacanya to death (played briefly at the end by Antonia Dorian) and these witches want payback. Okay, I suppose.

The superfast and anticlimactic ending did plenty to lose the points, but the large breasts and sex scenes-a-plenty made up for the script's shortcomings. Therefore, I consider this film tapeworthy for those aspects alone.

Women: A+ (Yes, this flick gets an A+ in this category. Glori-Anne Gilbert, Stormy, and Julie Smith are three witches I'd love to be held captive by. What a trio; I was very impressed. Throwing in Taimie Hannum for a little while was a cool bonus, as well as getting Jodie Moore to strip down to nothing. Antonia Dorian's face was on the screen for about 2 seconds, so I can't really add her in to the rating--not that it would've mattered anyway. Did I mention Monique Parent is in this? Oh, I did? Then you understand why this category gets an A+.)

Sex: A (I liked the various sex scenes, although the music playing through them kept them from getting an A+. Big boobs bouncing everywhere, and Monique Parent unclothed is always fun to watch.)

Story: C- (Here's where the points come off. The ending really took the steam out of things--probably because it ended so quickly. Jim Wynorski wrote, produced, and directed this movie (don't pay attention to the names--it's all one guy. Jim, much like Fred Olen Ray, likes to use aliases) and this is not really one of his best efforts in this department. Where was the comedy? This is listed as a horror movie, but I really wasn't scared at all. 78 minutes doesn't leave a lot when it comes to fleshing out a decent storyline, and I wasn't expecting a tearjerker or anything, but at least give these characters something to do between sex scenes.)

Overall: B+ (I'm giving this movie a B+. Not a perfect grade, but enough to make my short list of "good" softcore films. The big boobs were a definite plus, as was the wise use of Monique Parent as the unassuming, yet horny-when-she-has-to-be wife.)