Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj (2006)

Kal Penn: Taj

Photos 

Quotes 

• Pipp Everett, the Earl of Grey : Let's settle this the way my ancestors did!

  [Reaches for the swords hanging on the wall] 

  Taj : You want to exploit me economically?

• Taj : As Mr. Van Wilder would say, "If you can't join them, beat them".

• Seamus O'Toole : What did you say your name was again?

  Taj Badalandabad : Taj Badalandabad, your new head of house.

  Seamus O'Toole : Taj Badalandabad. That's a quite a tongue-twister.

  Taj Badalandabad : It's not that hard to say. You got it right.

  Seamus O'Toole : Yeah, but I've been drinking all day.

• Taj : verticle smile, scrambled eggs between the legs, sunny side up on the way to the butt

• Woman on Plane : Excuse me, is that Madamendira Bombay Hot Sauce?

  Taj : No way, you know it?

  Woman on Plane : I have this... thing for spices.

  Taj : You have a TING?

• Gethin : Sadie, this is Taj Badalandabad, our new head of house.

  Sadie : Alright me ol' mucker, have a shake then I ain't got the clap or nothing.

  Gethin : She means Handshake.

  Taj : Of course, of course, Hi.

  Gethin : Sadie is a cockney. It takes time to understand her words, they fit in her mouth funny.

  Taj : Lucky words. You enjoying your time at Camford, Sadie?

  Sadie : Yeah, It's alright. Blokes here are a bit stuffy here though. I mean I never thought it would be so hard finding someone worth slapping the ol' panhandle. You know, giving a blowjob. Nothing like getting your tongue around a nice fat one. Sliding it in, and out, in, and out, in, and out, in, and out. Milking it like a cow until it explodes in the back of your mouth.

  Taj : Wow, I must have an amazing ear for dialects. I understood everything she said perfectly!

• Taj : A surprise in the woods? Well, can you give me a second? Let me go repack my wallet real quick.

• Seamus : [offering Taj liquor]  I'm sorry I lumped you in the face, mate. Fancy a sneaky quick one?

  Taj : No, no, no. I think you've given me enough sneaky quick ones for the day. Thank you, Seamus.

• Taj : Simon?

  Simon : I have... I have a problem.

  Taj : [to the other guys]  Oh, my God, he's talking. Well, Simon, whatever you problem is, we're your friends, you can tell us.

  Simon : Well, you wee, it's to do with the size of my piddler.

  Taj : Your... Oh. Well, you know, it's an understood fact that a man's piddler is... Appears smaller to himself than it is in real life.

  Simon : Well, you see, that's what I'm afraid of. 'Cause according to me it has some 11 inches.

  Taj : Come again? Figuratively.