- Skipper: Hold on a second! Something's missing!
- Kowalski: Cranberries: check! Eggnog: check!
- Skipper: Give me a headcount.
- Kowalski: [grabs abacus] We have three heads, sir!
- Skipper: Where's the private?
- Kowalski: Unknown sir! It would appear that he's
- [grabs milk carton]
- Kowalski: missing!
- [shows milk carton with a big 'missing' advert for the private]
- Skipper: Missing? Hoover Dam! Wait, there he is. He just went to bed.
- [pulls off sheets, revealing a bowling pin underneath]
- Skipper: What the...
- [slapping the pin]
- Skipper: What have you do with Private? Talk, Mister!
- Kowalski: Skipper, over here.
- Skipper: [to pin] I'll deal with you later.
- Kowalski: Oh, no. He must be out there all by himself.
- Skipper: He's one of us, men. You all know the Penguin Credo.
- Kowalski: Never bathe in hot oil and Bisquick?
- Skipper: No.
- [Rico speaks Japanese gibberish]
- Skipper: No, that's the Walrus Credo. It's "Never swim alone." Private's out there all by himself, and we never leave one of our own.
- Kowalski: Oh, yeah.
- Skipper: Let's go.
- Private: Thanks for rescuing me, Skipper.
- Skipper: Think nothing of it, young Private. It's the least we could do. You remember the Penguin Credo.
- Private: What does deep-frying in Bisquick have to do with any of this?
- Skipper: Not that one, the other one! "Never swim alone!" Alone! On Christmas! Don't you get it? Come on people, do I have to explain this to everybody?
- [the old lady's dog, Mr. Chew, starts eating Private's Christmas sock, while Private's in it]
- Private: Nice doggy! Good Doggy! No, good boy! No! No! Don't eat me! No!
- [Mr. Chew comes closer to Private and Private starts to panic]
- Private: Leave me alone! Don't eat me! AAAH!
- [Skipper, Kowalski and Rico break in through a window, landing safely on a table]
- Skipper: Santa Claus has come to town!
- Private: Ooh, Skipper.
- TV Announcer: [Private flies across the room] Ryan takes the snap!
- [Private flies into a table covered in food]
- TV Announcer: What a hit! Ryan is down!
- Old Lady: [to Mr. Chew] Why does Christmas have to be every year! What a pain the the ugh! The tape! It's so sticky!
- [last lines]
- All: [singing] Jingle Bells, monkeys smell / Melman laid an egg / Marty thinks that Alex stinks / And the camels say, "Oy vey!"