- Skipper Jonas Grumby: Ayoy guys should be grateful i mean you're here on Gillgans island
- Skipper Jonas Grumby: Are you kidding? Why we'd be out of here in a minute if smarty here pants could get us off this rock.
- ALF: Don't blame me why we are stuck here! Every time I figure out an escape plan, it's been ruined by that dimwitted sidekick of yours!
- TV Announcer: It's time for "The Tanner Family". Starring Willie Tanner as Father, Kate Tanner as Mother, Lynn Tanner as Sister, and Brian Tanner as Himself.
- Mary Ann Summers: W are bored, did you know we have been doing the same thing day after day for going on 23 years?
- ALF: The fun never stops on Gilligans Island where every day starts off with one of Mary Ann's coconut cream pies.
- Mary Ann Summers: How come everybody can get to this island? But none of us can get seem to get off it?
- Willie Tanner: Alf, if you let us get some sleep, I promise you we will get back to this Gilligan's Island business first thing in the morning, and maybe, just maybe, we will build you a little lagoon all your own.
- Professor Roy Hinkley: Of course we have a tv. I rigged one using some coconuts in a picture tube that washed up on the shore.
- Willie Tanner: Alf I'm not going to waste my time trying to explain why you find real life less fun than some ludicrous situation comedy