ALF (TV Series)

Suspicious Minds (1989)

Paul Fusco: ALF

Quotes 

• ALF : Either he's Elvis, or Priscilla had a heck of a lawn sale.

• Aaron King : Come on, be reasonable. Why would someone like Elvis want to pretend he was dead?

  ALF : I figure you want to be an average joe in an average town with an average fleet of pink Cadillacs, but your fans wouldn't let you, so you booked that big gig into rock and roll heaven.

  Aaron King : What do you aliens do all day? Look for dead celebrities?

  ALF : I'm so tired of that stereotype. Aliens have many interests, we sit around the house, we eat, we watch TV.

  Aaron King : You sound more like Elvis then I do.

• ALF : ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!

  Willie Tanner : That was not Elvis Presley.

  ALF : Are you kidding?, he was on that sandwich like red beans on rice.

  Lynn Tanner : He didn't seem like Elvis to me either.

  ALF : Elvis was a brilliant actor. He could play anything from a singing race car driver to a singing deep sea diver.

• Raquel Ochmonek : Mark my words, that man who lived next door to us was Buddy Holly.

  ALF : [pops open the shutters in the kitchen after Raquel leaves]  Boy is she gullible! Everybody knows Buddy Holly runs a bait and tackle shop in Phoenix.

• Willie Tanner : You've convinced me ALF, that we're living two doors down the street from Elvis Presley and Raquel is Janis Joplin and Trevor is Buddy Holly.

  ALF : That'll be the day!

• Aaron King : Can I pet you?

  ALF : Only above the waist.

• ALF : Why don't you ring up Ann-Margaret and get her over here.

  Aaron King : Sure... I'll just head on over to Graceland and pick up my Rolodex.

• Aaron King : ALF, I've had it with this Elvis thing. Look, I'll prove it to you!

  [Aaron pulls out his guitar and starts performing "Heartbreak Hotel" for ALF] 

  ALF : WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!, no wonder your baby left you if you've been singing like that!. Stinkaroni.

  Aaron King : Are you convinced I'm not Elvis?

  ALF : You just need a little more practice, you've been dead for a while.

  Aaron King : Look, I wish I was Elvis buddy, but I'm just a truck driver from Tupelo, and that's as close as I'll ever get to being The King.

  ALF : But in my heart, I will always know you as Elvis.

• Willie Tanner : Even if this man were Elvis Presley, and I assure you he's not, he would never admit it.

  ALF : I bet I can get it out of him.

  Willie Tanner : [yelling]  LEAVE THE MAN ALONE!, LEAVE HIM ALONE!

  ALF : [sarcastically]  So what are you saying?, Leave the man alone?

• [ALF is determined to prove the man next door is Elvis Presley] 

  ALF : I can be logical if I have to. The man's name is Aaron King. Elvis' middle name was Aaron and he was king of Rock 'n' Roll.

  Willie Tanner : I'm not convinced.

  ALF : OK. How about this. Hank Aaron is baseball's home run king and Elvis loved baseball.

  Willie Tanner : ALF, you are grasping at straws.

  ALF : [shouts]  OK. Listen to this. Aaron Burr wanted to be King of America and he was from the South, just like Elvis.

• [Aaron King gets startled after hearing a smash and turns around to see ALF] 

  Aaron King : What the heck are you?

  ALF : I ain't nothing but a hound dog!

  Aaron King : Hound dogs don't talk!

  ALF : Neither do dead singers

• ALF : Now look Willie, when this guy gets here, monitor him for Elvis like behavior.

  Willie Tanner : What would you have me do?

  ALF : See if these make him salivate.

  Willie Tanner : What are they?

  ALF : These are deep-fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Elvis loved them. He could eat 20 a day.

  Willie Tanner : And you think he's still alive?

• ALF : Raquel said this guy's in his fifties, Has a southern accent and he likes to sing. Who else could it be?

  Willie Tanner : Willie Nelson, Jerry Lee Lewis, Huckleberry Hound.

  ALF : No, no, no, those guys would never live next to the Ochmonek's.

  Willie Tanner : I give up.

• Aaron King : [to ALF after Raquel leaves]  Man, that Raquel is one nosey gal, I can't even sneeze without her handing me a Kleenex.

  ALF : That proves it!, Elvis couldn't sneeze without somebody handing him a Kleenex