- Willie Tanner: You know, I just had a thought. Perhaps if you were to rekindle your interest in art it might be a less destructive and costly way for you to spend your idle hours.
- Kate Tanner: You know, the ones between waking up and falling asleep.
- ALF: Oh, ha-ha. Courtesy laugh.
- Lynn Tanner: This is horrible. Mr. Reuben thinks I have talent. What am I going to do?
- ALF: Oh, how do you get yourself into these things?
- Lynn Tanner: What you did was thoughtless, selfish, and egotistical.
- ALF: You spend your life raising them and this is the thanks you get.
- Willie Tanner: What's going on with you?
- ALF: Well, Lloyd Reuben thinks I'm a genius. And as a genius, I'm entitled to throw meaningless tantrums from time to time.
- [shouting]
- ALF: So get used to it!
- [softly]
- ALF: Okay?
- Willie Tanner: I think I liked you better as a constant drain.
- Willie Tanner: What are you doing, anyway?
- ALF: I'm suffering for my art.
- Willie Tanner: Is it necessary that we all suffer along with you?
- ALF: Ta-da!
- Kate Tanner: Looks like something I saw at traffic school.
- ALF: Thank you, Kate. I was worried you'd ridicule it.
- ALF: Oh, joy! Oh, rapture! My day and a half of suffering has paid off.
- Willie Tanner: You mean it's possible that this could truly be a work of art?
- Kate Tanner: And so the breakdown of human civilization begins.
- ALF: Lynn, a word to the wise. Forget art. Stick with plan A. Throw yourself at the first rich man to come along.
- Lynn Tanner: No. This class means a lot to me. It's being taught by a very respected artist in residence.
- ALF: What, he couldn't afford a place of his own?