Absolutely Fabulous (TV Series)

Fat (1992)

Jane Horrocks: Bubble

Quotes 

• Eddie : I'm opening a shop, Pats.

  Patsy : Ooh, what are you going to sell?

  Eddie : Oh, just gorgeous things, you know.

  Patsy : Ooh, lovely.

  Eddie : Gorgeous, tasteful, little stylish little gorgeous things.

  Patsy : Expensive...

  Eddie : Obviously, yes. They'll be present-y Anoushka Hempel-y sorts of things everywhere.

  Patsy : Chocolates?

  Eddie : Garden implements, that sort of thing.

  [flicking through a magazine] 

  Eddie : I can't find anyone I want to look like... Oh! Oh, she's not bad. Who's that?

  Patsy : That's Ivana Trump.

  Eddie : She's good, isn't she?

  Bubble : Do you think so? She looks like a classic bimbo to me. All that terrible blonde hair piled on top of her head. False tan. She's far too thin. Always pouting. Absolutely no character. The skirt's too short. I mean, it's pathetic these older women struggling to look twenty five... Sorry.

  Patsy : I think she's tremendous.

• Eddie : You're very thin, aren't you, Bubble

  Patsy : She's emaciated, like her brain!

  Bubble : I know, it's awful. I can eat as much as I like and I just don't get fatter. I cannot put on weight.

  Eddie : Oh, how terrible...

  Bubble : I know. I wish I was more curvy. I wish I had breasts like yours.

  Eddie : No, you don't.

  Bubble : Yes, I do.

  Eddie : No, you don't.

  Bubble : I do! Great, big, large, pendulous breasts. I'd like to fill a bra.

  Eddie : No, you wouldn't. Just stop saying you do. You don't know what it feels like. You think, just because you feel better with a couple of oranges stuffed down your cups, that you know what it feels like. Well, you don't. It's hell.

  Bubble : I don't have to wear a bra. I just stuff the oranges down me vest.

  Eddie : Listen, you little bookmark. You know I only employ you because you make me look better, don't you?

  Bubble : I've remembered what she's called. Penny Caspar-Morse!

• Eddie : Now is there anything I should look at?

  Bubble : Yes, a few of them what-you-call-thems have come through.

  Eddie : What?

  Bubble : Paper comes out...

  Eddie : What, what paper?

  Bubble : Very important, urgent paper.

  Eddie : What? Tell me, tell me.

  Bubble : The paper that comes out of the answering machine.

  Eddie : Fax?

  Bubble : Messages, letters, the lot. It comes and it comes. Anyway, them. I've managed to get a couple of them down. I copied them onto me pad.

  Eddie : Let's have a look.

  [reading] 

  Eddie : "We've been saved by English Heritage." What does that mean?

  Bubble : Where?

  Eddie : It's here, "saved".

  Bubble : No, "sued".

  Eddie : Well it's only four letters out, I suppose that's alright. Sued, why are being sued, darling?

  Bubble : Well, that last fashion shoot you organised. Apparently, someone moved a couple of rocks, or something.

  Patsy : Moved a couple of old rocks? My God!

  Eddie : Stonehenge, Pats. Anyway...

  Patsy : So? They should be glad of the publicity.

  Eddie : Exactly, exactly. Send that one to my lawyers. Now...

  [reads] 

  Eddie : "Penny called from L.A.". Penny who?

  Bubble : It'll come to me. It's only urgent-ish. She's coming over in a week or two. She wanted to talk to you about a shop, or something.

  Eddie : Yeah...

  Eddie : She wanted to sell you some things, or something.

  Eddie : My shop, remember? I'm opening a shop, Bubble.

  Bubble : Ah...