- Briscoe Darling: BREAD!
- Aunt Bee Taylor: [rushing into the dining room from the kitchen] What happened?
- Andy Taylor: Mr. Darling put in a request for additional bread, Aunt Bee.
- Briscoe Darling: Didn't I yell loud enough?
- Briscoe Darling: You know somethin', Sheriff? That haircut of yours may be city style, but your heart is shaped like a bowl!
- Briscoe Darling: [Aunt Bee whacks Briscoe's elbow with a wooden spoon] That's my crazy bone!
- Aunt Bee Taylor: No elbows on the table!
- Briscoe Darling: It ain't fair!
- Aunt Bee Taylor: What isn't?
- Briscoe Darling: You hittin' first and explainin' the rules later!
- Briscoe Darling: TATERS!
- Andy Taylor: How 'bout when you want somethin', just tell me and I'll tell Aunt Bee.
- Andy Taylor: Y'all cookin' for yourselves now that Charlene's married, are you?
- Briscoe Darling: The boys there, they been takin' turns. They're just about the worst cooks there is! Just the other night, they cooked up about the worst mess of grub I ever did see!
- Andy Taylor: Oh?
- Briscoe Darling: Hoot owl pie. Perfectly good hoot owl just plumb wasted.
- Aunt Bee Taylor: [talking to Briscoe Darling] Do you like pearl onions?
- Briscoe Darling: They twang my buds!