- Capt. Barney Miller: Any progress on those burglaries?
- Det. Ron Harris: Yeah, a lady called in and said that she saw a little kid running out of the places carrying a sack
- Capt. Barney Miller: A kid ?
- Det. Ron Harris: Yeah, so I am checking through all the juvenile files
- Capt. Barney Miller: These are all juvenile offenders ?
- Det. Ron Harris: 13 and under
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wonderful ? !
- Capt. Barney Miller: From the description, I think our thief probably has not gone through puberty yet ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Good, we got something to look forward to
- Det. Ron Harris: I got some good prospects that I'm going to check out though
- Capt. Barney Miller: Think of the possibility of it being a gang of kids led by an adult, check that out ?
- Det. Ron Harris: That's very Dickensian
- Capt. Barney Miller: So it is, Harris. So it is
- Det. Ron Harris: No, really, I mean like in Oliver Twist by Charles DIckens
- Capt. Barney Miller: Yes, yes, I recognize the reference.
- Det. Ron Harris: Oh
- Capt. Barney Miller: I didn't feel the need to prove it
- Det. Ron Harris: Right
- Capt. Barney Miller: That's with Fagin and the Artful dodger.. One of his earlier novels
- Det. Ron Harris: I didn't know that
- Capt. Barney Miller: Good
- Det. Ron Harris: Twelfth precinct, Sergeant Harris... Oh, hi, Bernice... He stepped out for a minute... Oh, uh, yeah, he's walking in right now, hold on. It's, uh, Bernice on two
- Det. Phil Fish: Thank you
- Det. Ron Harris: Beautiful timing. I was about to hang up
- Det. Phil Fish: You know you got a real mean streak in you, you know that Harris.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Good morning Harris. Good day, huh.
- Det. Ron Harris: Hey, you're late
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: No, I'm not, I'm two minutes early
- Det. Ron Harris: It's 10 o' clock.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: No it's 9 o' clock
- Capt. Barney Miller: It's 10 o' clock, Daylight Savings Time started this weekend. You lost an hour
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Oh really !
- Capt. Barney Miller: I'm surprised you didn't hear about it.
- Det. Ron Harris: It was widely publicized !
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Well, I didn't see too many people this weekend
- Det. Ron Harris: Well, it was in all the newspapers
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Well, I didn't have a chance to read the papers, Barn, I was in all weekend
- Det. Ron Harris: It was on TV
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Well, I didn't do too much of that either
- Capt. Barney Miller: Oh, well... He finally has a legitimate excuse
- Det. Ron Harris: Lust
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo, why don't you get started working, maybe you can make up for lost time. Maybe you can stay an hour later
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Okay Barn
- Mr. Kaufmann: That's right. I had a Doctor's appointment.
- Louise Kaufmann: You're disgusting.
- Mr. Kaufmann: Louise, I only went there for us. I even asked her to come with me.
- Louise Kaufmann: That's even more disgusting !
- Mr. Kaufmann: What are you talking about ? ! Don't you understand the medical value... I tell you
- Capt. Barney Miller: Will you keep quiet ? Stop it . I'm going to have to get some more information from both of you
- Mr. Kaufmann: No... no. Look, I'm not going to press charges
- Louise Kaufmann: Don't do me any favors
- Capt. Barney Miller: Okay. Okay, All right. Right over here, have a seat Mrs. Kaufmann. Detective Fish will take your statement. Mr. Kaufmann, over here, Sergeant Yemana, will, um, are you sure you're alright ?
- Mr. Kaufmann: It's okay. The doctor said the limp was mostly psychological.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Have a seat, Mrs. Kaufmann. If you don't restrain yourself, we're going to have to do it for you