Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

Almost Got 'im (1992)

Mark Hamill: The Joker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Two-Face : Poison Ivy.

  Poison Ivy : It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking around halfway decent.

  Two-Face : Half of me wants to strangle ya.

  Poison Ivy : And what does the other half want?

  Two-Face : To hit ya with a truck.

  Poison Ivy : We used to date.

  The Joker , The Penguin , Killer Croc : Ah.

• The Penguin : So, I hear You-Know-Who nailed The Mad Hatter last week...

  The Joker : No kidding! He sure gets around for one guy.

  Two-Face : Yeah, well, that's where you're wrong. I don't think it is one guy.

  Killer Croc : Huh?

  Two-Face : The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of them stashed someplace, like a S.W.A.T. team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but...

  The Joker : Ah, you're always seeing double.

  The Penguin : It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.

  The Joker : Sure, he could be all gross and disgusting under that mask!

  [Dent, who was adding cream to his coffee, crushes the carton] 

  The Joker : Uh, no offense, Harv.

  Two-Face : Just deal...

  Killer Croc : Well, you know what I think?

  The Joker : Not the robot theory again...

  Killer Croc : Well, he could be.

• Harley Quinn : It's Late Night Gotham Live, and here's the man who puts a smile on your face whether you want it or not, The Joker!

  The Joker : Good evening folks, I'm The Joker: living proof that you don't have to be crazy to host this show, but it helps! Ha ha!

• Two-Face : [finishing his "almost got him" Batman story]  ... And if it weren't for this blasted coin... I would have got him.

  The Joker : Gee, that's too bad, Harv, but I guess you'll always come in second. Anybody else want to go?

  Killer Croc : [hits the table]  ME! There I was, holed up in this quarry, when Batman came nosing around. He was getting closer... Closer...

  Poison Ivy : And...?

  Killer Croc : I threw a rock at him!

  [everyone stares in dead silence] 

  Poison Ivy : So, Harvey, what became of the giant penny?

  Killer Croc : It was a big rock...

  Two-Face : They actually let him keep it!

• Killer Croc : You'd think one of us would've got 'im by now...

  The Penguin : I've come the closest.

  Poison Ivy : Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...

  Two-Face : [pounds the table]  Nobody's come closer to stopping the Batman than ME!

  [a squabble breaks out, which the Joker ends with a whistle] 

  The Joker : The fact is each of us has their own "almost got 'im" story to tell...

• [the Penguin lures and traps Batman in a bird conservatory] 

  The Penguin : Greetings, Batman! You have taken the bait, as I knew you would. Now, prepare to meet your end, within my Aviary of Doom!

  Poison Ivy : [interrupting]  Aviary of WHAT?

  The Joker : Yeesh, Pengers! How corny can you get?

  The Penguin : Fah! Just because you mundane miscreants have no drama in your souls! Anyway, there he was in my av... uh, big birdhouse...

• Killer Croc : Hey, I don't get it. You just knocked out Catwoman and left her?

  The Joker : Ah, c'mon, Crockers, didn't I say there's more than one way to get someone? Even as I speak, Catwoman is being trussed up at the Pussykins Pet Food Factory. First thing tomorrow I'm sending a lovely case of cat food to Batman. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

  Killer Croc : I don't think so!

  [Croc tosses Joker to a nearby table] 

  The Joker : [weakly]  Was it something I said?

  [the villains take a closer look at Croc, and realise it's Batman] 

• The Joker : I'd say ladies first, but since we don't have any...

  [Ivy glares at the Joker, who gives a small chuckle] 

  The Joker : We'll start with you, Pam...

• Two-Face : Whose deal is it?

  The Penguin : Mine. I find your middling machinations mildly diverting. But, for sheer criminal genius, none surpasses my most recent ornithologically-inspired entoilment.

  The Joker : Smaller words, please. You're losing Croc.

  Killer Croc : [Confused]  Uhhh...

• The Joker : We're back with my extra-special guest. So, how's Robin?

  [Batman remains stoically silent] 

  The Joker : Moving right along... you know, kids, we've got an item here no home should be without. The laughter-activated electric chair. Yes, sir, the merest titter or guffaw starts the chair's generator revving up towards maximum zappage. Harley?

  Harley Quinn : [demonstrating]  Ha ha ha.

  The Joker : But for a real demonstration, we're pumping our studio audience full of my patented laughing gas. These yahoos will laugh at anything now. Even the phone book.

• The Penguin : Naturally, I had flown the coop by the time he escaped. Still, I almost got 'im.

  The Joker : Not even close! You see, the thing you're forgetting is that there are all sorts of ways to "get" someone. Take my latest run-in with Batsy. It was just last night, as the entire country was tuning in to its favorite talk show.

• Catwoman : Show's over, Joker!

  The Joker : [buried under his talk show set]  Catwoman, ladies and gentlemen! Let's hear it for her.

• [first lines] 

  [a poker game starts at the Stacked Deck Club] 

  The Joker : I want a nice, clean game, gentlemen.

  The Penguin : That'll be a first...

• The Joker : We've got a real treat for you, kids. I ran into my first guest last night while making a withdrawal from the bank. You know him as the Dark Knight, but we prefer to think of him as history. Here he is, the one and only... Batman!