- [Penguin steps outside with a small case]
- Bruce Wayne: [follows him] Admiring the Vreeland jewelry, Mr. Cobblepot?
- The Penguin: Ah, Mr. Wayne, isn't it? Actually, I was thinking of adding this to her collection.
- [reveals a gold penguin brooch]
- Bruce Wayne: [surprised] I'm sorry. Maybe the rumors of your reform are *not* exaggerated.
- The Penguin: Anything's possible when love is involved.
- [last lines]
- Veronica Vreeland: Oswald, I really was growing fond of you. It's too bad this had to happen.
- The Penguin: I suppose it's true what they say. Society is to blame. High society.
- Pierce: He fenced? With his umbrella? How droll. This Penguin will absolutely make your party.
- Veronica Vreeland: You know, it was quite touching, actually. I-It's not often that a man rushes to my rescue. Unfortunately, he wants to see me again.
- Pierce: [shackled to the floor] What is this?
- The Penguin: The end of the show, when the fat bird sings!
- The Penguin: 'Tis better to have loved and lost, and made a small profit, than never to have loved at all!
- Veronica Vreeland: Oswald, if it's money you want I can get you more...
- The Penguin: SHUT UP! All I wanted from you, dearie, was a little friendship! That would have cost you nothing!
- The Penguin: [robbing a house] Ah, Audubon. My personal favorite. Sorry about the intrusion, sir, but at least you've been ransacked by a man of impeccable taste.
- Commissioner James Gordon: I assure you, we have every available resource on the street...
- Pierce: It's times like these that I wonder why we pay you people at all!
- Commissioner James Gordon: [grabs Pierce] Listen, you simpering little twit! You were foolish enough to invite the Penguin, now it's HIS party!
- Pierce: Penguin, is that you? It's Pierce. I've got the money.
- The Penguin: I knew I could count on your kind.
- Pierce: Right. I'll just leave it here, and you can pick it up at your convenience.
- The Penguin: Not quite, my friend. Take exactly one step out of the booth, turn left, and start walking.
- Pierce: How far?
- The Penguin: You'll know when you get there.
- [doing so, Pierce screams as he falls down an open manhole]
- Bruce Wayne: I've heard you're running around with a dangerous crowd.
- Veronica Vreeland: Well, keep it under your hat, Brucie, but I've just snagged the Penguin for my party.
- Bruce Wayne: Why?
- Pierce: For the entertainment, dodo. Can't you just see their faces when that stuffed capon waddles in?
- Bruce Wayne: I'd think twice if I were you.
- Pierce: Oh, lighten up, Wayne. After all, he is N-O-K-D; not our kind, dear.
- Bruce Wayne: Better be careful that your little joke doesn't come home to roost.
- The Penguin: Well, fellow rogues, it's great to be back.
- [seeing the empty, drafty room]
- The Penguin: If you're trying to surprise me, you're doing an excellent job. Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe!
- Batman: None of the above, Penguin.
- The Penguin: Oh, no. Not you.
- Batman: Get used to it. Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you.
- The Penguin: Precisely where you belong. But you needn't bother. Haven't you heard? I've reformed, paid my debt to society and all that.
- Batman: We'll see. I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean.
- Batman: I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day.
- Veronica Vreeland: Let him go! He didn't do anything. It was those brutes.
- Batman: He wasn't with them?
- The Penguin: That's right, you vulgar vigilante. In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riffraff.
- Veronica Vreeland: I'm so sorry, Ozzie.
- The Penguin: As long as you weren't bruised, my peach.
- Batman: Peach?
- The Penguin: Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night? This time, I'll clean up after you.
- The Penguin: Such an enchanting evening. But tell me, my dear, what are you hatching?
- Veronica Vreeland: Whatever do you mean?
- The Penguin: There's more to our encounter than meets my eagle eye. Isn't there?
- Veronica Vreeland: Why, Oswald, how could you think such a thing? I've always been captivated by your, um... your rapacious wit, not to mention that fine Roman nose.
- The Penguin: [smitten] Naturally. Come, let us fly, my dove. Garcon, the check, if you please.
- Guard: So, today's the day, huh? Planning on making a big splash?
- The Penguin: No need. They never forget the true elite.
- Guard: Well, they got a lot to remember you by.
- The Penguin: Ah, but this time I'll reclaim my perch in high society as an upstanding bird. I've learned my lesson. Never again. Come. The cream of society awaits. A limousine is no doubt at the ready.
- Veronica Vreeland: I'm slipping, Pierce. Only 24 invitations this month.
- Pierce: Oh, my dear, you're practically out. It's high time you threw a party, and make it the biggest bash ever.
- Veronica Vreeland: Yes, yes, but how? I'm out of charities until spring at least, and there are no interesting celebrities.
- Pierce: Hmm. Remember when the Joker crashed Muffy Vanalten's last affair? He robbed us blind, but, hey, what a giggle, hmm?
- Veronica Vreeland: Yeah, it was amusing. But the Joker's yesterday's news.
- Pierce: [showing her a newspaper article on the Penguin's release] Then have a peek at today's.
- Veronica Vreeland: Ooh. I love it!
- Pierce: [Penguin overhears] Oh, will you relax? You've done him a favor.
- Veronica Vreeland: But, Pierce...
- Pierce: You said it yourself. That fat bird would never get invited to a party like this, not with those clothes, that waddle, those flippers.
- Veronica Vreeland: Oswald!
- The Penguin: Did she mention my fine Roman nose?