- Daisy Moses: She's from one of those fur'n nations.
- Jed Clampett: Which one?
- Daisy Moses: Minneapolis... Wisconsin.
- Jed Clampett: Pearl, go on ahead. Women and children first. That's the rule.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: That's the rule for fire, flood, and deesaster.
- Jed Clampett: [in a low voice] Well it seems to me Granny's tonic oughta fit in there somewheres.
- Daisy Moses: I heared what you said, Jed Clampett, and just for that, when it comes your turn, you're gonna get a double dose.
- Cousin Pearl Bodine: Beauty is only skin deep, son.
- Jethro Bodine: Well, she must have awful deep skin.
- Jed Clampett: [Gloria is teaching Jed a new dance] What did you say this one was called?
- Gloria Buckles: It's called the twist.
- Jed Clampett: Feller was to dance this in the fresh-plowed field, he'd auger his way right into the ground.
- Elly May Clampett: Pa, ain't you gonna marry up with that city woman?
- Jed Clampett: No Elly. Us old foxes is trap-shy, especially when the bait goes to chasin' us.
- Elly May Clampett: It's the first week of spring, And Granny's whompin' up her tonic, For to give to all the family and her kin. Though it tastes mighty bitter, It is good for man and critter, 'cause it gets yer blood to runnin' free again. Granny's brew, Good for you, If you're off ya feet ya oughtta have some too. Even Pa needs to fiddle, He just sits out front and whittles, Cousin Jethro, he's a-sleepin' in the shade. 'stead of doing her spring cleanin', On her mop Aunt Pearl's a-leanin', Granny'd better get that batch o' tonic made!
- [ding, ding]
- Elly May Clampett: There's the gong,
- [ding, ding]
- Elly May Clampett: Won't be long, 'til the family's back to feelin' good and strong.