- Daisy Moses: I don't want no revenooers snoopin' around. They're the lowest form of varmints. Even he was ashamed of bein' one.
- Jed Clampett: He was?
- Daisy Moses: Called it the Infernal Revenue Service.
- Daisy Moses: Jed, is the revenooer stayin' fer supper?
- Jed Clampett: He ain't no revenooer.
- Daisy Moses: Well, is the furreigner stayin' fer supper?
- Jed Clampett: How about it Mr. Landman? You too Mr. Drysdale.
- Mr. Landman: You're not by any chance cooking mustard greens and possum innards, are you?
- Daisy Moses: Not tonight.
- Jed Clampett: No, we had them last night.
- Mr. Landman: I'll stay.
- Milburn Drysdale: Me too.
- Daisy Moses: Tonight, we is havin' leftovers.
- Jed Clampett: That's the thing about possum innards. They is just as good the second day.
- Daisy Moses: You heared me mister. Now you git goin' and git goin' fast.
- Mr. Landman: Madame, I don't think you understand. I'm from the Internal Revenue Service. That's a department of the...
- [Granny fires her shotgun]
- Daisy Moses: Hop in that puddle-jumper and cut mud outta here.
- Mr. Landman: But I only want to talk about Mr. Clampett's return.
- Daisy Moses: He ain't gone nowhere.
- Mr. Landman: I guess back in the hills where you come from, I'd be a tax collector.
- Jed Clampett: Back in the hills, you'd be a lot younger.
- Mr. Landman: Oh, ws the climate that healthy?
- Jed Clampett: Naw, just you wouldn't have lived to get this old.