- Susan Glen: You really think it's serious?
- Frank Cannon: Listen, Susie, any time you catch me inhaling a double malt in the line of duty, you know it's serious.
- Chief Horne: You sure do rock a boat when you step into it, don't you, Cannon?
- Frank Cannon: I can't help that. I've been chubby all my life.
- Frank Cannon: Compulsion. I suppose everybody has a compulsion of some sort. Heh. I sometimes think Nature invented the pistachio nut as a device to control the compulsion to eat. You know, by the time you get them shelled, you've lost your appetite.
- Larry Bolinger: Look... I just come here for the fresh air like everybody else.
- Frank Cannon: When I get through with you, the only fresh air you're going to get is in an exercise yard.
- John Horne: She doesn't have any parents anymore, mister. She was born again today. You see, now she's Sister Lilith, first wife of Adam.
- Frank Cannon: No kidding?
- [Turning to Susan]
- Frank Cannon: Y'know, as I understand it, Adam's first wife tempted him with a chocolate malt. How 'bout it?
- Larry Bolinger: That's private property out there. If I were you, I wouldn't trespass anymore.
- Frank Cannon: Really? That's kind of a shame because I was thinking about inviting the police out to see one your little shows.
- John Horne: Well, the police won't bother us, Mr. Cannon. Believe me, I know. See, the chief is my father.
- Frank Cannon: I bet he doesn't advertise it.
- Larry Bolinger: I think I'm getting some bad vibrations from you, Cannon.
- Frank Cannon: Young man, when I start vibrating, you won't have to think - you'll know.
- Chief Horne: Oh, how about some coffee?
- Frank Cannon: No thanks. I have to watch my liquids. The only other thing I have to watch are my solids.
- Chief Horne: "Father" is only a title after kids reach a certain age.
- Frank Cannon: Yeah, I know. I wonder how it works. Do fathers resign, do the kids just quit?