Coach (TV Series)
The Stand-In (1994)
Jerry Van Dyke: Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam
Quotes
-
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : They pay for that? When I give blood, all I get is a glass of juice and a couple of fig newtons.
Dauber Dybinski : The sperm bank gives me 30 bucks a visit. Hey, that extra 9 grand came in handy.
-
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : [looking at sperm donor profiles] Here we go, international businessman. He's got an IQ of 145, curly red hair...
Coach Hayden Fox : No no, don't want a kid with curly red hair.
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : What's wrong with curly red hair?
Coach Hayden Fox : That's okay if it's a girl. If it's a boy, he's just gonna get beat up all the time.
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : Okay, how about a nuclear physicist?
Coach Hayden Fox : Mutated genes.
Coach Hayden Fox : Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist?
Coach Hayden Fox : Alcoholic.
Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam : Mathematics professor?
Coach Hayden Fox : Nope. Chalk in his hair, can't remember his own phone number.