- Coach Hayden Fox: You can't be on the sidelines looking like that.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I tell ya what I'll do. I'll put a black stripe down one side, a yellow stripe down the other side, and then I'll look like those crazy Breakers fans in the upper deck.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Good, then you go sit with them.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: I've got nothing to hide rom you. You've seen me naked.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Yeah I remember. It's the only sick day I've ever taken.
- Coach Hayden Fox: We got one game left. It's against the Arizona Cardinals on Monday Night Football. I don't know about you guys, but that's a pretty big deal to me. I mean next to exploring the moon or taking a bullet for the president, this is as big as it gets.
- Doris Sherman: I need to borrow a player for the afternoon. Now, which one do you think is the cutest?
- Doris Sherman: Who is Jeff Jorgensen?
- Coach Hayden Fox: We cut him after the second game.
- Doris Sherman: Oh, he's gorgeous.
- Coach Hayden Fox: He's lousy.
- Doris Sherman: Do you think it's too late to get him back on the team?
- Coach Hayden Fox: We've got a full roster, Doris.
- Doris Sherman: So, just cut an ugly guy.
- Coach Hayden Fox: We are not gonna cut an integral member of the team to make room for a pretty boy.
- Doris Sherman: We are 0 and 15. There are no integral members of this team.
- Dauber Dybinski: When we took the team out onto the field, we were showered with - excuse the language, Christine - panties.
- Dan Dierdorf: What we'd really like to know is could you get us some of those Heartbreaker posters?
- Frank Gifford: Kathie Lee would kill me if I didn't come home with a couple.