- Jeff: Have you ever tried to pull out during an 'h'?
- Steve: Jeff, the world in all it's fabulous diversity is entirely populated by people who have never tried to 'pull out' during an 'h'
- Jeff: Yeah, and you know why? It isn't a proper letter. It's just a 'hhuuh' noise. Once you've started on the 'hhuuh' you've basically 'hhuuhed' so what could I say? 'Hello?' 'How are you'? 'Hippo'?
- Patrick: Hippo?
- Jeff: You can't say hippo. You don't want to come off sounding like some surreal cupboard loitering lunatic.
- Patrick: [on the phone to Jeff] We have our advisers online.
- Steve: [pointing at Susan and Sally] That's you two.
- Susan: This is ridiculous! Why does he need us to translate for him? Women aren't a completely different species, you know.
- Patrick: [on the phone] Jeff, women AREN'T a completely different species.
- Steve: He just needs to find out if it's a friendly drink or a date drink. He'll do friendly but he won't do date.
- Sally: Why doesn't he know already?
- Steve: Because he is Jeff, and there's no known cure.
- Jane: We just stood there looking at each other. There was so much electricity, you could have executed ten fat murderers.
- Jeff: You can't say 'hippo'. You don't want to come off sounding like some surreal, cupboard-loitering lunatic.
- Jeff: There I am, innocently trying to free my head from a photocopier and my arse is wiggling about like an arse-maniac, like an arse of insanity in the mind of a madman.