- Jane: I'm not pregnant! It's a miracle! I shagged and shagged and shagged and all the little bastards missed!
- Patrick: Sally, you need someone good enough for you. You don't want some mutton-headed city boy who spends all his time thinking about his cars and his golf clubs. You want somebody who can love you the way you deserve to be loved; the way I want you to be loved. Sally, you need someone who will love you forever, properly. You're my friend, Sally. I want to see you with the best. You need Mr. Amazing, Mr. Incredibly-Superbly-Fantastic-Ness. In your heart, I'm sure you know I'm right.
- Sally: I don't want Mr. Superbly-Incredibly Fantasticness- you stupid, stupid Ass. I want you.
- Patrick: For God sakes, Sally.
- Sally: What... *What*?
- Patrick: I was talking about me!
- Steve: [about the Fertility Clinic's cubicle] It's this place. It's too wholesome. Look, it's wrong for masturbation. Masturbation is supposed to be a bad thing. It's a stealth activity. You do it on your own, in secret, and you lie about it afterwards. You feel guilt! It's one of the last forms of entirely safe guilt left available to a man. I mean, look at this place! Look what the mad fools have done: it's an office suite for masturbation. There's a *receptionist*. There are no receptionists in masturbation. Do you realize what I'm supposed to do here? Do you understand the insanity of it? I am being asked to masturbate in a *good* *cause*. No. Susan, I implore you. I implore all women everywhere on behalf of all men. Do not take the wrongness of masturbation from us.
- Susan: [after announcing her pregnancy] Time's up, Steve. I think it's time for someone else to be a child.