Coupling (TV Series)

The Girl with Two Breasts (2000)

Jack Davenport: Steve Taylor

Quotes 

• Steve Taylor : There are times I worry about the way you see women.

  Jeff : I see women as people in their own right.

  Patrick Maitland : In many ways, they *are*.

  Steve Taylor : You see women as transport for breasts!

  Jeff : Hey, I can see past breasts now, Steve. I need more than that.

  Steve Taylor : Yeah, I can tell.

  Jeff : I need breasts with brains. I don't mean *individual* brains, obviously. Besides, you give breasts the power of independent thought, and the next thing is, they don't get on. There's a clash of personalities.

• [trying to come up with title for a movie about breasts that have brains] 

  Patrick Maitland : The Girl With Two Brains.

  Steve Taylor : Three brains, Patrick.

  Patrick Maitland : Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one!

• Steve : [to Jeff]  When you say things like nudity buffer, you actually expect people to know what you mean?

  Jeff : Alright, when you first see a woman you like you have a buffer of about five minutes before you have fully mapped out what she looks like naked.

  Patrick : A full five?

  Jeff : You have to asses her nipple type and that takes time.

  Patrick : Oh yeah good point.

• Steve Taylor : In the event of a mind ray, stand next to Patrick.

  Jeff : Yeah, but we're all the same as Patrick. See, women think we're normal, like them, 'cause we talk to them like normal people, you know, we say, "hello, how are you. Haven't seen you in this place before. What kind of music do you like?" But all the time in our brains, we've got the word "breasts" on a loop. If we ever lost control for a second, we'd all start shouting "Breasts! Breasts! Breasts! Breasts!"

• Patrick Maitland : "Wobble Wars."

  Steve Taylor : What?

  Patrick Maitland : "Wobble Wars," the title for the new porn film about the battling breast-brains.

• Patrick : Did you see that?

  Steve Taylor : Yeah, yeah I certainly did.

  Patrick : You got a glance, Jeff.

  Steve Taylor : Yeah, that was confirmed. We have confirmed glancing!

  Patrick : Okay, Jeff, maximize your advantage. Get over there and talk to her. Don't say "breasts!"

• [Steve and Patrick are trying to get Jeff to speak to a beautiful girl who's been eyeing him all evening] 

  Steve : If she touches her hair, you're in.

  Jeff : Her hair?

  Patrick : Yeah, their second thought is always to worry about their hair.

  Jeff : What, when they se someone they like?

  Patrick : ...Just generally.

  [the Girl teases the end of her hair] 

  Patrick : This is not a drill!