- [a group of children play musical chairs]
- Eileen Swift: You've taught them to walk in a circle. Are you gonna enter them in a show?
- Kristin Carlson: Goodnight, Ross.
- Ross Harper: Ah, you raise an interesting point! What is the nature of good? I believe it was Plato who divided reality into the good, the bad and the ugly. As for the meaning of night, the Oxford English Dictionary defines it as the opposite of day. Hagel would disagree, so we are faced with a paradox. How can night be good, when neither can be proved to exist?
- Kristin Carlson: Bye!
- [Eileen walks into the daycare center and sees the children]
- Eileen Swift: Oh, look at that. They are so cute, I could just *step on them!*
- Ross Harper: Kristin, I need your psychological expertise.
- Kristin Carlson: Would you like to lie down?
- Ross Harper: Would I ever!
- Brian Harper: She's so content! I don't remember Ross being so happy when he was a baby.
- Kate Harper: Remember how he cried for nine months straight until we figured out he wanted the stereo louder?
- Brian Harper: I was thinking, Ross, why don't we all go to the museum this weekend?
- Ross Harper: What did I do?
- Kate Harper: When I was at the law firm, we had to deal with frauds every day. It was great preparation for raising a teenager.
- Brian Harper: Well, I guess this means another teacher's conference.
- Kate Harper: We show up at school more than Ross does. They have plans to put us in the yearbook!
- Molly: I love going to school here, Kate.
- Kate Harper: Aw, that's so sweet of you.
- Molly: You know why?
- Kate Harper: Why?
- Molly: Because I'm the smartest one here.
- Eileen Swift: I've got a company I want you to analyze for me. It's a brilliant concept! They're renting out coffee table books for people who don't want to plunk down eighty dollars for the darned things. You know what I'm talking about: Picasso, Treasures of the Pharaoh, The Great Wall of China. I mean, you're never gonna read them, so why buy 'em, right?
- Kristin Carlson: I'm really excited about my weaving class tonight. We're doing traditional Navajo VCR covers.
- Nina Farrell: They don't teach them to read here!
- Mel: What, you don't teach them to read? Why do I keep buying my kid books?
- Brian Harper: I just wanna give this new curriculum a try.
- Kate Harper: And that, Brian, is how we got involved in the Bay of Pigs.
- Brian Harper: What?
- Kate Harper: You heard me. A bunch of generals sat around and said, "We're getting a lot of public pressure on this Cuba thing. We got a couple of extra boats, let's invade the place and get our hands on some quality cigars!"
- Brian Harper: Whenever I do something that you don't approve of, you always compare it to some foreign policy fiasco!
- Kate Harper: I do not.
- Brian Harper: Oh yes, you do! You remember our wedding? I changed caterers without telling you and you compared it to the secret bombing of Cambodia!
- Brian Harper: You know what I believe in? It's the very first thing they taught us at the office, the stockbroker's credo: The customer is always right.
- Kate Harper: Uhhh, look at this! You're reverting back to type like a werewolf during a full moon!
- Brian Harper: Tell Kate the first thing we were taught at the firm.
- Eileen Swift: Tape ALL phone conversations.
- Brian Harper: No, no, no, the very FIRST thing you were taught on day one.
- Eileen Swift: Pad your time sheet?
- Kate Harper: Molly's parents are threatening to pull her out of this school.
- Eileen Swift: Who's Molly?
- Brian Harper: You know, the cute little blonde.
- Eileen Swift: You can actually tell them apart?
- Brian Harper: Boy, they are really down today. They even slept during nap time!
- Kate Harper: And they all painted pictures of Molly. We ran out of yellow paint.
- Buddy Schrom: I believe in the tooth fairy!
- Dana: I believe in Santa Claus!
- Justin O'Donnell: I believe in the future of the space program!
- Brian Harper: If it makes you feel any better, we've had a horrible day too. It's like the Beatles broke up in our living room.
- Kevin Farrell: I didn't have that many friends when I was her age. Did you, Nina?
- Nina Farrell: No. Maybe that's why we don't have any friends now.