The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Buddy, Can You Spare a Job? (1961)
Richard Deacon: Mel Cooley
Photos
Quotes
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[Rob begins dictating a fraudulent letter of dis-recommendation to get Buddy fired by Alan Brady]
Rob Petrie : Dear Mel: There's a situation concerning the writing staff which I believe merits your attention.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Wait a minute, you're too polite! D-d... You gotta louse me up more!
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Yes. What you need is some good honest hatred. I'll dictate it: During the past season, Buddy Sorrel has not contributed one idea, joke or fresh thought.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Beautiful. Hey, Sal, tell 'im about how I lay, you now, sleep on the couch all day, that I'm always comin' in late and everything, you know.
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [continuing] He has been distracting Sally Rogers and myself, and what was once a serviceable talent has deteriorated into an office clown.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Wonderful! Curly, if I ever want to get sent to the chair, you're gonna be my lawyer.
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Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Look, look, do you know who I am?
Jackie Brewster : Don't you know who you are?
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Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [on releasing Buddy from his contract with "The Alan Brady Show"] Buddy, I cherish this moment. Never in my entire life have I been happier to say goodbye to anyone. Goodbye forever.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Mel, in the... many years of our association, I know I've said a lot of unkind things about your bald head. And... I'm sorry I didn't mention the rest of your ugly puss.
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : One last yecch!
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Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [giving Jackie his hand] My hand.
Jackie Brewster : Really? Is that your hand? Why, it looks more like five fat worms.
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : I beg your pardon?
Jackie Brewster : Why? You can't help it if you have worm fingers.
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Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [referring to Jackie] Well, who's he?
Jackie Brewster : See, he knows me already.
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Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : I, uh, I don't believe I know your work. What have you done?
Jackie Brewster : About what?
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Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [yelling] GET ME BUDDY!