The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

I Was a Teenage Head Writer (1963)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Rob Petrie : But all we need is just one joke to finish the show. Come up with something, Buddy, and you can go home to your wife.

  Buddy Sorrell : Go home to my wife? What kind of reward is that?

• Rob Petrie : We're together, right?

  Laura Petrie : Right.

  Rob Petrie : We're a team, right?

  Laura Petrie : Right.

  Rob Petrie : All right, then. If... if you and I had a big fight and I said I'm walking out, wouldn't you walk right out with me?

• Rob Petrie : Buddy and Sally and I, we were a team, just like franks and beans and sauerkraut. Boy, now there's a team that sticks together. You can't break a team like that up. Lemme show you something.

  [takes away the hot dog] 

  Rob Petrie : Look, does that look right? Huh? Does that look right to you? Yeah. The hot dog's sittin' at home out of work while the beans and sauerkraut are downtown laughin' at him.

• Rob Petrie : Look, Mel, as the head writer, I say it's a good script, and I'm sure Alan would agree with me, too.

  Mel Cooley : I'm sorry, there's no use talking...

  Rob Petrie : [interrupting]  Mel, I could go over your head.

  Buddy Sorrell : Watch it, Rob. It's slippery up there.

• Rob Petrie : I usually don't say this, but I think that sketch is one of the funniest we've written in months.

  Mel Cooley : Well, I'm sorry. It just didn't make me laugh.

  Buddy Sorrell : That PROVES it's funny.

• Sally Rogers : You don't wanna open a comedy show with jokes?

  Rob Petrie : N-n-no.

  Buddy Sorrell : Maybe we should open it with the Budapest String Quartet.

• Rob Petrie : Buddy and Sally quit?

  [Speaking to himself] 

  Rob Petrie : How about that, the beans and the sauerkraut came through!

• Laura Petrie : Honey, don't you want your beans and sauerkraut?

  Rob Petrie : Don't bring those traitors into this bedroom!