The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

October Eve (1964)

Carl Reiner: Sergei Carpetna

Photos 

Quotes 

• Laura Petrie : You know what your problem is? You're just too much in love with yourself.

  Sergei Carpetna : Right. And even I'm not good enough for me.

• Sergei Carpetna : I painted you as a goddess and you're acting like a peasant!

• Sergei Carpetna : [introducing himself]  Sergei Carpetna.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, you're... oh, you're the, uh, perpetrator of this painting, huh?

  Sergei Carpetna : Well, I've never heard it quite expressed that way, but I guess I am, yes.

• Rob Petrie : It'd be a crime to destroy a beautiful painting like that. It would also be a crime to deprive you of the money you've struggled so hard to earn with your work.

  Sergei Carpetna : That was a very good sentence. Come on, come on. Continue, continue.

• Sergei Carpetna : Evil is in the mind of the beholder.

• Laura Petrie : [posing for her portrait]  My husband is gonna be so excited.

  Sergei Carpetna : That peasant. What does he know? Jokes, he writes for Milton Berle.

  Laura Petrie : No, Alan Brady.

  Sergei Carpetna : What's the difference. He's a jolly jokester, a peasant. He should kiss the ground of a girl like you.

  Laura Petrie : Well, I love him.

  Sergei Carpetna : So you're a peasant, too.

• Sergei Carpetna : I've already had three offers for it.

  Rob Petrie : Three?

  Sergei Carpetna : Mm hmm. There's a South American millionaire, wants it for his mansion on top of a mountain in Brazil.

  Rob Petrie : That's a wonderful place for it.

• Sergei Carpetna : Come on, Petrie, we have some fun. Let's kill us a painting.

• Laura Petrie : I wanted a painting for Rob, a picture of me exactly the way I look in this outfit!

  Sergei Carpetna : For that kind of a picture you take a camera, you go to Central Park, you get on a pony and snap your brains out.