- Ollie Wheelwright: Mother Goose has been scaring children for years. That crazy old broad was vicious.
- Ollie Wheelwright: I tell you I can see symbolism even when it isn't there. Now, you take this character Rollie on Fire Island. If people knew what he was really writing about, we'd all be in jail.
- Laura Petrie: Wow, Rob, you really changed my whole story, didn't you?
- Rob Petrie: No, not... not really.
- Laura Petrie: Well, yeah, really. It's not at all like the one I wrote.
- Rob Petrie: You don't have to write down to kids, honey. It's about time somebody wrote up to 'em.
- Laura Petrie: Yeah, except you wrote around 'em, missed 'em completely. And I don't think you utilized any of the charm of the drawings.
- Laura Petrie: Kids aren't gonna know what "morose" means.
- Rob Petrie: Are you kidding? Kids'll know what that means.
- Laura Petrie: No, darling. It's much too big a word.
- Rob Petrie: Any kid... I'll bet you Ritchie knows what THAT means.
- Laura Petrie: No, he doesn't.
- Rob Petrie: Oh...
- Rob Petrie: [calling outside to Ritchie] Hey, Ritchie. Come in here a minute, will ya?
- Ritchie Petrie: Wait!
- [Sound of toy machine gun fires outside]
- Ritchie Petrie: I got ya!
- Kid: Ya did not!
- Rob Petrie: He did too!
- [Ritchie enters with a toy machine gun]
- Rob Petrie: Ritchie, answer me this: What does "morose" mean?
- Ritchie Petrie: Huh?
- Rob Petrie: It's a... it's a word you hear every day. Have you ever heard of the word "morose."
- Ritchie Petrie: Yeah. Lots of times.
- Rob Petrie: What does it mean, Ritch?
- Ritchie Petrie: Some kind of flower.
- Rob Petrie: [unhappy that Laura didn't appreciate his rewrite] You don't like that one, just, uh, write one yourself.
- Laura Petrie: I already did. By the way, where is my story?
- Rob Petrie: Well... with the, uh, cutting, honey, and the pasting and, uh... Uh, I... Well, I had to throw it out.
- Laura Petrie: Well, thanks a lot, Rob. Thanks a heck of a lot.
- Rob Petrie: Where're you goin'?
- Laura Petrie: I'm gonna rewrite the original story that I already wrote.
- Rob Petrie: Well, I am not gonna do any more rewriting.
- Laura Petrie: Oh-ho-ho, you bet you're not.
- [to get Sally and Buddy's unbiased opinion, Rob reads the stories he and Laura wrote without saying who wrote which. After reading the first story, he begins the second]
- Rob Petrie: All right. Now this is story B.
- Buddy Sorrell: What a wonderful title.
- Rob Petrie: [to Sally] Well, yep, it's your... You're entitled to your opinion. It's okay.
- Rob Petrie: [to Buddy] Buddy, what a... what about you?
- Buddy Sorrell: I'm entitled to her opinion, too.
- Ollie Wheelwright: All that violence and killing. I got more laughs out of reading "The Hunchback of Notre Dame."
- Ollie Wheelwright: [on the phone] Tell our lawyers to cancel the contract on Dr. Dumpling.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, Dr. Dumpling. Ritchie loves him.
- Ollie Wheelwright: Yes, so do most of the bartenders in town.
- Laura Petrie: Aw gee, what a shame. The talking furniture books of his are wonderful. So creative.
- Ollie Wheelwright: Oh, he's not so creative, my dear. He merely writes what he sees.
- Rob Petrie: Ollie, it looks like we've caught you on a bad morning.
- Ollie Wheelwright: Robert, I haven't had a good morning since I became an adult.