The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

That's My Boy?? (1963)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : The only Dick and Betty Carter I know are Phil and Edna Greenbaum.

• Nurse : [presenting folder]  Mrs. Petrie, I have your valuables right here. Would you check them, please?

  Laura Petrie : Oh, no, these aren't mine. I had just a watch.

  Nurse : [checking the folder]  Oh, stupid. Room 203. Busy, busy, busy. Here's room 208.

  Laura Petrie : That's it. Yes, thank you.

  Nurse : Well, goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. Petrie, and I wish you a lot of luck with her.

  Rob Petrie : Her?

  Nurse : Oh, I'm sorry - him! Baby boy Peters.

  Rob Petrie : No, no, uh - Petrie.

  Nurse : Whatever.

  Nurse : [to other nurse]  Edna, please go make up Mrs. Petrie's room.

  Rob Petrie : We're the... we're the, um, Petries.

  Nurse : Well, whatever. They're leaving today, too. Boy, will I be glad when this day is over!

• Rob Petrie : This is getting to me. I think I'm a premature father.

• [Buddy rides a small bicycle into the Petrie house] 

  Rob Petrie : Is that for us?

  Buddy Sorrell : No, my car broke down so I rode Sally up on the handlebars. Yeah, I-I bought it for the kid.

  Rob Petrie : Well, he's just a little baby!

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, it's a little bicycle. They can grow up together.

• Rob Petrie : Jerry, that nurse gave Laura the wrong jewelry, she called him a her, she didn't even know our name, and everybody, including me, thinks it looks like a different baby.

  Jerry Helper : Rob...

  Rob Petrie : Look, even Laura thinks the baby looks different. His own mother!... I think.

• Rob Petrie : She's right. We gotta change that baby.

• Rob Petrie : Laura, did you know that one out of every fifty million women have the wrong baby?

  Laura Petrie : Well, that's a cute trick. How does she manage it?

  Rob Petrie : Honey, she doesn't have it while she's having it. It's after she has it she has it!

• Rob Petrie : Who, uh... who do you think the baby looks like?

  Jerry Helper : You know, I don't know. How can you tell at this age? I mean, their looks change every day. Now, that first day, he looked like you.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah. Then a little later he looked something like Laura.

  Jerry Helper : Mm-hm.

  Rob Petrie : Then, the day comin' home in the cab, he looked a lot like Ralph Martoni.

  Jerry Helper : Who's Ralph Martoni?

  Rob Petrie : The cab driver. Didn't you see his picture on the license plate? Little pudgy bald guy.

  Jerry Helper : Rob, listen, all newborn babies look like Ralph Martoni. I mean, the hospital could give you any kid and you wouldn't know the difference.

• Rob Petrie : Honey, h-h-ow much do you like that baby?

  Laura Petrie : Oh, Rob, don't tell me you're jealous already.

  Rob Petrie : No, honey, I'm not gettin...

  Laura Petrie : Oh, that Dr. Spock knows everything.

• Rob Petrie : Alright, that is just about everything, huh?

  Laura Petrie : How about the baby?

  Rob Petrie : Awww, only a mother would think of that.