- Rob Petrie: I hate to see you cry like this.
- Laura Petrie: Well, it's the only way I know how to cry.
- [Rob tries to get through his second planned wedding date but his ears are stuffed up from a severe cold, making it impossible to hear anything]
- Chaplain Berger: Robert Petrie, would thou have this woman to be thy wife, to love and to cherish, in sickness...
- Rob Petrie: [happily] I do.
- [Chaplain shakes head]
- Rob Petrie: [confused] I... I don't?
- Chaplain Berger: ...in sickness and in health, until death do you part?
- [Rob doesn't realize it's his cue but begins to notice others staring at him]
- Rob Petrie: Uh, I do.
- Chaplain Berger: And do you, Laura, take this man to love and to cherish in sickness and in health, till death do you part?
- Laura Petrie: [looking at Rob] I do.
- Rob Petrie: [thinking he's being cued] Uh, I do.
- [Chaplain shakes head]
- Rob Petrie: [confused] I... I don't?
- Chaplain Berger: There be anyone present who knows why these two should not be joined in lawful wedlock, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.
- Rob Petrie: [happily and confidently thinking it's his cue] I do.
- [Chaplain slams his Holy Bible shut]
- Ritchie Petrie: [notices Rob and Laura kissing while watching home movies of their wedding] Boy, you two sure kiss a lot! Show me that again, Daddy.
- Rob Petrie: Okay.
- [they start kissing again]
- Ritchie Petrie: Not that - that!
- [points to the movie screen]
- Rob Petrie: [reading the inscription engraved upon a silver platter] It says, "To Sergeant Petrie, Good luck and happiness on your marriage." Where'd you find this, Rich?
- Ritchie Petrie: In the basement.
- Laura Petrie: There's more, darling.
- Rob Petrie: [bemused] I know there's more. "To Laura, In case he backs out again, you can marry us - Company E, 35th Battalion, Camp Crowder, Missouri."
- Laura Petrie: [noticing Rob's agitation] Rob, are you all right?
- Rob Petrie: [nervous] Oh, yeah. I'm fine. It's just that... it's awful cold out tonight.
- Laura Petrie: Cold? It must be eighty degrees.
- Rob Petrie: Is it?
- [checks his watch for confirmation]
- Laura Petrie: I think you've caught a cold. You're shivering.
- Rob Petrie: Well, It's... a family trait. All the male members of my family shiver when they're... about to propose marriage.
- Laura Petrie: Is that what you're about to do?
- Rob Petrie: Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Laura, will you marry me?
- Laura Petrie: You want me to marry you?
- Rob Petrie: Yeah, very much.
- Laura Petrie: [starting to shiver] Oh.
- Rob Petrie: But... YOU'RE shivering.
- Laura Petrie: Well, all the female members of my family react this when they accept marriage proposals.
- Laura Petrie: Oh, just think, next Sunday I'll be Mrs. Robert Petrie.
- Rob Petrie: [nervously] Yeah... Sunday. Are you scared?
- Laura Petrie: No.
- Rob Petrie: So am I.
- Doctor: [patching up Rob's sprained ankle] There you are. And have you been using your cane, Sergeant?
- [Rob doesn't respond]
- Doctor: Sergeant? Sergeant?
- Rob Petrie: Sir?
- Doctor: Is there anything wrong with your hearing?
- Rob Petrie: [about his cast] No, no. It feels fine. It's not even tight.
- Doctor: I said is there anything wrong with your hearing?
- Rob Petrie: Oh, uh, no, sir, I...
- [coughs]
- Rob Petrie: Excuse me.
- [hoarsely]
- Rob Petrie: I think I got a little soap in my ear when I showered this morning.
- [coughs]
- Doctor: How does your throat feel?
- Rob Petrie: Huh, sir?
- Doctor: I said how does your throat feel?
- Rob Petrie: Oh, it's...
- [tries to answer the question but only coughs]
- Rob Petrie: What was the question?
- Doctor: I SAID HOW DOES YOUR THROAT FEEL?
- Rob Petrie: Oh, it feels fine, fine.
- Doctor: I think we better have a peek at your throat and ear.
- Rob Petrie: [coughs] Sir, I don't have time to. I've got to get over to the chapel.
- [the doctor wants him to open his mouth for inspection, but Rob continues to talk]
- Doctor: Please, Sergeant!
- [examines Rob's mouth]
- Doctor: A-ha.
- [later on, when he's examining Rob with a stethoscope]
- Doctor: Now breathe through your mouth.
- [Rob inhales through his mouth and coughs]
- Doctor: Again.
- [Rob does so]
- Doctor: That's fine, Sergeant.
- Rob Petrie: Well, can I stop breathing now?
- Doctor: Yes. Corporal? You're a sick man, Sergeant. You have a nice upper respiratory infection.
- Rob Petrie: Oh, well, I have that all the time. It's constant.
- Corporal: Yes, Captain?
- Doctor: It looks like we got a little epidemic brewing. I think you'll have to spend a few days in the hospital.
- Rob Petrie: No, Doctor, I can't stay in the hospital. I've got to get over to the chapel.
- Doctor: Well, you'll just have to miss chapel this week.
- Rob Petrie: No, Doctor, you don't understand. I've got to go over. I've got to get married.
- Doctor: Oh?
- Rob Petrie: No, no. You see, what happened was I disappointed her last week. On account of my sprained ankle, I didn't show up. If I don't show up this time, she'll think I'm backing out, Doc. Couldn't you just let me get married and come right back? It shouldn't take over an hour.
- Doctor: I'm afraid not. Now you'll just have to phone your fiancee and tell her she'll have to remain a fiancee for at least another week.
- Rob Petrie: Another week?
- [coughs]
- Doctor: Easy, Sergeant. Right over here. There you go. Come on, Corporal, the sergeant has a personal call to make.
- Rob Petrie: Well, it's a long long story, Rich. I'll tell you some other time.
- Ritchie Petrie: Tell it to me now, Daddy. There's nothing good on television yet.
- Rob Petrie: [after hurting his ankle] I'll just have to hop. If I can run it in an hour, I can hop it in two hours.