- Laura Petrie: If you insist on having a hobby that does not include me, that canceled our patio furniture, that's ruining a trip to the national parks, if you don't mind going back on your promise to let Ritchie spit in the Grand Canyon, if you feel it's necessary to have a hobby that's going to make you and Jerry mortal enemies, then go right ahead, get your boat, and sail away.
- Rob Petrie: And, uh, what will YOU do?
- Laura Petrie: Oh, I'll be the same sweet, charming, adorable girl I've always been - but NOT to YOU.
- Rob Petrie: Honey, if you don't want me to go, just say so.
- Laura Petrie: I don't want you to go.
- Rob Petrie: Honey, let... let me put it another way.
- Jerry Helper: Only yesterday, a patient of mine was in the office who has a gaff-rigged yawl.
- Rob Petrie: Ooo, that sounds painful. Did you use novocaine?
- Jerry Helper: Rob, you know, for a guy who knows something about everything, you sure know nothing about boats.
- Rob Petrie: Well, when you're brought up in the mid-west, it's a long walk to the beach, Jerry.
- Laura Petrie: [popping her head out from the kitchen] Hey, Rob? I prefer the beach.
- Rob Petrie: Get back in the galley.
- Jerry Helper: Hey, Rob, I know you're only kidding, but don't get in the habit of touching a superior officer.
- Rob Petrie: [not knowing Laura easily suffers seasickness] It'll be fun.
- Laura Petrie: I don't think so.
- Rob Petrie: Why?
- Laura Petrie: Well, because ever since I was a kid, I've hardly ever had a good time while nauseous.
- Rob Petrie: You were sick?
- Laura Petrie: Yes, I was.
- Rob Petrie: When?
- Laura Petrie: From the moment you told me we were going on Alan's boat.
- Rob Petrie: Well, you sat there the whole afternoon and you smiled.
- Laura Petrie: Yeah, well, behind those happy teeth was a very sad stomach.
- Rob Petrie: Honey, could you just for a minute forget that you're my wife or that I'm your husband?
- Laura Petrie: [archly] Oh?
- Jerry Helper: [about Rob's new sailing outfit] You're not planning to wear that on board, are you?
- Rob Petrie: Alan Brady did!
- Jerry Helper: Alan Brady has a 50 ft ketch with a crew of three; you're dressed better than Lord Nelson at Trafalgar!
- Rob Petrie: Look, the only area of a conflict is when there's a difference of opinion, right? I don't know the first thing about boats, so that I don't have any opinion at all; Jerry knows everything about boats. See? He could be the commodore, and I'd be the first mate.
- Jerry Helper: Uh, no, no, Rob. I'll be the captain and you'll be the seaman.
- Rob Petrie: FIrst class?
- Jerry Helper: Third.
- Laura Petrie: Fellas, it took you a long time to build this friendship. Don't kill it.
- Rob Petrie: [as they shake hand and embrace in anticipation of their first sea venture together] I wish our wives could see us now. Boy, this friendship ain't gonna break up.
- Jerry Helper: Never. But, remember, Rob, don't touch me on the boat.
- Millie Helper: It's a shame you didn't have fun!
- Rob Petrie: Fun? Fletcher Christian had mor fun with Capt. Bligh than I had with him!
- Millie Helper: [to Rob] I'm sure Jerry didn't mean it when he said you couldn't be a stewardess on the Good Ship Lollipop...
- Jerry Helper: He'd make a GREAT stewardess!