The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
The Ghost of A. Chantz (1964)
Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie
Quotes
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [all piled in the hide-a-bed] Look, I'll admit, a lot of strange things are goin' on here but I think that whoever or whatever it is doesn't want to hurt us.
[as the hide-a-bed starts to fold up on them, they all jump out of it]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Boy, look at that! A man-eating bed!
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [finding himself alone] Laura? Buddy? Sally?
[looks around]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Who took them? Honey? Sally? Buddy? Mama?
[face appears in the closet mirror]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Uh oh.
[turns around and sees the face]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : NYAH!
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Did you, uh... Gonna go to bed with your shoes on?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : You know I can't run in my bare feet.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Buddy, we've been here all evening and not one strange thing has happened.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Oh, no? How about that fireplace?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I told you it's probably a live ember buried in the coals.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah, or a dead body buried under the floor.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [all piled into the hide-a-bed] Anybody asleep?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : You nuts?
Sally Rogers : Who could sleep?
Laura Petrie : I am fast awake.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : My heart's beating so hard it's gonna knock the covers off.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Look, it's been over two hours now and nothing strange or unusual has happened.
Sally Rogers : No? What do you call four grown people sleeping in the same bed with their clothes on?
-
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Ghosts, ghosts! That's what it was! This place is haunted like they said.
Sally Rogers : Who said? A ghost haunted? Who said?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Rob!
Laura Petrie : Rob?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I didn't.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : He did!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : It isn't!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : It is!
Laura Petrie : Well, is it?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I never said...
Sally Rogers : Well, who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Who who who? It's what he says!
Laura Petrie : Did you?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I didn't. No, the guy I saw...
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Well, yeah, there was a guy told Rob that the... that the place is haunted! And he says there's a guy got murdered here and he's coming back and he's gonna get all of us!
Sally Rogers : Who?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Who? That's the ghost with the mustache!
-
[the lamp near the sofa comes on by itself]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Buddy, will you turn the light off, please.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : I didn't turn it on.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I suppose it went on all by itself then, huh?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : If-if you didn't turn it on, it went on by itself, or...
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, there's probably a logical explanation for that.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah, like a live ember in a dead bulb?
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : There's one thing I wanna get straight before we go any further.
[sits on the folded up couch]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : This couch was open!
[jumps up and over a chair]
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Mr. Little : There are no reservations. No rooms.
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Well, that's impossible.
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : That's what we've been telling him. Look, Mr. Cooley called and made reservations. Right, Mel?
Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : That's right. I...
[realizes that he forgot and holds his forehead]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : The Hairless Phantom strikes again.
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : All I know is that there's someone that wants us to leave here.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah, yeah, me, me!
Sally Rogers : Look, Rob, I'm with Buddy. This is getting to be like a bad horror movie. All we're missing is Vincent Price and the thunder and the lightning.
Laura Petrie : Oh, Rob, I'm scared!
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Look, I agree that we should leave here, but let's not lose our heads now.
[Buddy and Sally open the door to leave, thunder and lightning start, they come back in and put down their bags]
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : All that's missing now is Vincent Price.
[There is a knock on the bedroom door and it opens by itself]
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : The door's open, the door's open.
Sally Rogers : [nervously] Vincent?
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Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [arriving at the cabin] Buddy, you didn't bring any of the stuff in!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah...
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Will you go get it, please?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : W-would you go with me?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : For crying out loud, I'll get it myself!
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Can... can I go with you?