The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Man from 'Emperor' (1964)

Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie, Sam

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : Hey, I just called to see if you started dinner yet.

  Laura Petrie : Why?

  Rob Petrie : Well, uh, uh, Drew Patton's here and he wanted to discuss that deal I told you about.

  Laura Petrie : Oh? Well, I thought you decided you didn't want to have anything to do with that magazine.

  Rob Petrie : No, honey, that was YOU who didn't.

• Drew Patton : Every guy - EVERY GUY - envies the kind of life I lead. Can you deny that, Rob?

  Laura Petrie : Rob aren't you going to deny that?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, huh, right, um, right after dinner.

  Drew Patton : Why, uh, why after dinner?

  Rob Petrie : Well, I'd... I'd like to deny it in such a way that I don't make Laura mad, and I, uh, save a little self-respect for myself, and Drew doesn't think I'm a sissy.

• Drew Patton : Every guy in America gets vicarious kicks out of the way I live.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, I see what you mean.

  Laura Petrie : You do?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah.

  Laura Petrie : You gets vicarious kicks out of the way he lives?

  Rob Petrie : Oh, I, no, I... I'm... I see... I see what... what he... means about them, honey, but I... guys, you know, who like that kind of... of a thing.

  Drew Patton : Uh, do you, uh... do you believe him, Laura?

  Laura Petrie : Oh course I believe him. Rob's never given me any reason not to.

  Drew Patton : If Rob says that, uh, he doesn't envy the kind of life that I lead, he's one of two things. He's either, um, a liar or he's, uh, scared.

  Laura Petrie : No, I don't think he's either one of those things.

  Drew Patton : Oh, in that case, he's dead.

• Laura Petrie : Oh, boy. How do you entertain the king of self-indulgence?

• Drew Patton : Well, how do you feel about, uh, 'Emperor Magazine'?

  Laura Petrie : You really want an honest opinion?

  Drew Patton : Sure.

  Laura Petrie : Well, I feel pretty much the way Rob does. The writing in that magazine is so good that you really don't need all those pictures.

• Rob Petrie : Well, Drew, haven't you ever found a girl you'd like to settle down with?

  Drew Patton : Oh, Rob, every day of my life.

  Laura Petrie : Well, then, how come you've never married one of them?

  Drew Patton : Because if I did, every husband in America would be upset.