The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Return of Edwin Carp (1964)

Richard Haydn: Edwin Carp

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mrs. Carp : You will drive me to an early grave.

  Edwin Carp : That is no longer possible.

• Edwin Carp : A poem glorifying the pedal extremity, entitled "Feet" by Scoutmaster Alan: "You need feet to stand up straight with, / You need feet to kick your friends. / You need feet to keep your socks on / And stop your legs from fraying / At the ends. / You need feet to stand on tippy-toe - hm - / Or to dance the hoochie-coo. / Yes, the whole--"

  Edwin Carp : [breaks off when he notices the audience is laughing at him, becomes miffed]  I don't want to have to get ugly.

  [pauses, then resumes] 

  Edwin Carp : "Yes, the whole world needs feet for something, / And I need feet to run away from you."

• Edwin Carp : Oh! I thought there was an alien in the tank.

• Edwin Carp : I have a theory about television, sir.

  Rob Petrie : What's that?

  Edwin Carp : I don't believe it is possible.

• Laura Petrie : How do you imitate fish?

  Edwin Carp : Perfectly.

• Edwin Carp : You haven't met my mother, have you?

  Rob Petrie : No.

  Edwin Carp : You wouldn't like her.

• Edwin Carp : I am nothing without my elderberry wine.

• Edwin Carp : I am not here to be tittered at.