- Arlene Harris: [from her phone call routine] I don't know what kind of a dog he is. What do you mean, "Has he got papers?" He's got papers all over the house.
- Rob Petrie: What's the one thing that's never been done on television?
- Buddy Sorrell: You can't do that on television.
- Edwin Carp: A poem glorifying the pedal extremity, entitled "Feet" by Scoutmaster Alan: "You need feet to stand up straight with, / You need feet to kick your friends. / You need feet to keep your socks on / And stop your legs from fraying / At the ends. / You need feet to stand on tippy-toe - hm - / Or to dance the hoochie-coo. / Yes, the whole--"
- Edwin Carp: [breaks off when he notices the audience is laughing at him, becomes miffed] I don't want to have to get ugly.
- [pauses, then resumes]
- Edwin Carp: "Yes, the whole world needs feet for something, / And I need feet to run away from you."
- Edwin Carp: I have a theory about television, sir.
- Rob Petrie: What's that?
- Edwin Carp: I don't believe it is possible.
- Mel Cooley: Rob, I've got Arlene Harris locked up.
- Sally Rogers: You got her locked up?
- Buddy Sorrell: Well, let her out. We need her on the show.